Dear Bridget Everett,

Whatever it is you do, we like it at Weekly World Central and we need you to do it in Tucson. We have tittles in Tucson of all sizes and shapes that bounce in all sort of great way. So yeah ... please, this winter, when you need a break from that NYC cold, we'll be waiting.

H/T Bust:

Bridget Everett, how do I love thee? Let me count the ways. You wear fabulously revealing get-ups for all your sets, you're a lady whose size can rival the guys, you look hot all the time, you make some of the bluest jokes I've ever heard, you have "the voice of an angel," you guest regularly on Inside Amy Schumer, and Time Out named you one of the "funniest New Yorkers."

...

Everett's act has been previously televised on Inside Amy Schumer and Just for Laughs' Funny as Hell. But, you know, tits are like, super offensive when they're in public, so despite growling "BOUNCE, BOUNCE, BOUNCE" while grinding on the crotch of a stranger in the audience, no nip slipped in the taping of those shows.