Thursday, March 20, 2014
We are introducing a new blogger to the Tucson Weekly's Daily Dispatch. Jason P. will write about heroes at large and their selfless acts. — Irene Messina, assistant editor
While the news is usually focused on hate, corruption, and crime, not all is lost. While your favorite actor was performing court-ordered community service as part of his plea deal, or as his publicist says, "honorably giving back to his community," an everyday hero was at work.
Our story begins in San Francisco, California Republic. It's really a pretty ordinary story. Man loves woman, woman loves child, child loves dog, dog runs away, man finds dog, a happy montage plays, and everyone lives happily ever after. What makes this story unique is how the dog was found. (Read to the end for the biggest surprise.)
Taking influence from his modern San Francisco community, as evidenced by its modern streetcar, Bryan Mason modernized his search. Bryan made a Facebook page for Sparky, marketed it very aggressively, then recruited people to pass out 7,500 missing dog cards around town. After 10 days, someone found Sparky and he was reunited with his family. Bryan spent countless hours and roughly $1,000 to find the dog, but to his fiancee and her son, it was money well spent. A $4 leash would have been money better spent, but an ounce of prevention is for losers or something. While the story of Sparky's rescue is certainly unusual, I wish to detail three specific acts of heroism.
The first, obviously, was his search for the dog. Obsessive and expensive, he gave it his all.
The second, his relationship status. Is it especially meaningful that he did this for a girl? No. What inspires is his fete of putting in that much time and effort to help out... without getting put in the friend zone. I understand that the idea of the friend zone is based on the flawed concept of "kind act + attractive girl = romance," as if a woman owes a relationship to everyone who treats her like a human being, but it's still refreshing to see a girl end up with the right guy.
Last, but certainly not least, comes a reserve method that he prepared for but never used. Bryan bottled more than six gallons of his own diluted urine so that he could spray it all over town and make a scent trail. A dog tracker (yes, they exist) told him to collect "a bunch of urine from someone Sparky knows well, dilute it, and create a trail to a safe place." You're living for all of us Bryan!
In summary, Bryan is a true hero: he spent a lot of time and money on a good cause, successfully navigated the waters of committing a genuinely selfless act without getting friend-zoned, and got the green light to spray six gallons of his own piss around a major city. I hope that Sarah McLachlan is taking notes, because this rescue story is way more fun than having my entire weekend ruined in two minutes.
Until next week, may all your dreams come true.