Monday, August 26, 2013

UA Students, You've Got a Lot of Catching Up To Do

Posted By on Mon, Aug 26, 2013 at 9:00 AM

Arizona might have claimed the Territorial Cup for sports-related supremacy this past school year, but our fine collegiate student body has nothing on what Arizona State has accomplished already for the 2013-2014 campaign.

Classes began Thursday at Girls Gone Wild University and Casino, which obviously meant the days leading up to the start of the fall semester needed to be spent risking one's place at the school. At least that's how it seems based on the statistics released by ASU's police department from its 'Safe and Sober' special enforcement detail.

The Phoenix New Times has all the boozy details, but here's just a few. Consider them cautionary tales, young Wildcats. Or, maybe, inspiration:

* 1,421 stops (made on campus by ASUPD and seven nearby police departments)
* 371 arrests (91 for DUI, 17 for extreme DUI, 2 for aggravated DUI)
* An average blood-alcohol level of .131 for DUI suspects

It's hard to imagine the UA's fine contingent of degenerates future leaders could put up such lofty numbers, considering how little driving can be done on campus now thanks to the multitude of parking garages and the I-still-think-they'll-never-get-used modern streetcar tracks.

Add in the likely, ahem, activity that's sure to come out of existing student housing complexes like The District, Stone Avenue Standard and The Seasons as well as new compounds like The Retreat, Level and The Cadence (all of which, I envision, have parties similar to how Gary and Wyatt had in Weird Science) and we might have ourselves another way to compare the UA-ASU rivalry.

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