Friday, April 19, 2013

'The Onion' Covers Just How Terrible This Week Has Been

Posted By on Fri, Apr 19, 2013 at 4:00 PM

Honestly, from the Boston Bombing (from its abhorrent coverage to the shootout between police and suspects this morning) to the fertilizer plant explosion in West, Texas, this week has been completely, absolutely awful. And, again, satirical "news" source The Onion has completely nailed it in a piece yesterday, simply titled "Jesus, This Week" (NSFW language ahead):

“Seriously, can we wrap this up already?” Maryland resident James Alderman told reporters, echoing the thoughts of all 311 million Americans, who have just about reached their weekly goddamned quota for carnage, misery, confusion, heartbreak, and rage. “Because, you know, I’m pretty sure we’ve all had our hearts ripped out of our chests and stomped on enough times for one seven-day period, thank you very much.”

“Man oh man,” Alderman added, shaking his head. “Can you believe this? Can you honestly believe the kind of piece-of-shit week we’re having here?”

According to a new poll by the Pew Research Center, when reached for comment on this week, 93 percent of Americans responded “Okay, enough’s enough here, you have seriously got to be kidding me with this week,” with 84 percent saying “Is it Sunday yet? What? How in the hell are we only at Thursday? What the hell is going on?” and 100 percent of Americans responding “No, no, go ahead, just pile some more horrific shit on this hellish shitshow of a week. Have at it.”

Honestly. I've got high hopes for the weekend, all things considered — I mean, it couldn't be any worse, right?

Tags: , ,

Comments (7)

Showing 1-7 of 7

Add a comment

 
Subscribe to this thread:
Showing 1-7 of 7

Add a comment

Today | Sun | Mon | Tue | Wed | Thu | Fri
Burlesque Fitness

Burlesque Fitness @ Floor Polish

Mondays, Wednesdays, 4:30-5:30 p.m.

All of today's events | Staff Picks

Staff Pick

Holiday Nights - A Million Twinkle Lights

Holiday Nights is fun for everyone! Stroll along paths garlanded with over a million twinkling lights while… More

@ Tohono Chul Park Fridays, Saturdays, 5:30-8:30 p.m. Continues through Dec. 15 7366 N. Paseo del Norte.

» More Picks

Submit an Event Listing

Popular Content

  1. 21 Great Things to Do in Tucson This Weekend: Dec. 14-16 (The Range: The Tucson Weekly's Daily Dispatch)
  2. In The Flesh: The Juilliard String Quartet Bears Gifts (The Range: The Tucson Weekly's Daily Dispatch)
  3. The Age of Online Shopping Could Mark the Beginning of "Retail Apocalypse" (The Range: The Tucson Weekly's Daily Dispatch)
  4. In Memoriam | Chris Burroughs (The Range: The Tucson Weekly's Daily Dispatch)
  5. Three and Out: Uncle Herm and the ASU Sun Devils Come to Tucson (The Range: The Tucson Weekly's Daily Dispatch)

© 2018 Tucson Weekly | 7225 Mona Lisa Rd. Ste. 125, Tucson AZ 85741 | (520) 797-4384 | Powered by Foundation