Wednesday, January 23, 2013

Unfortunately, Come March, 'Spring Breakers' Will Be A Thing

Posted By on Wed, Jan 23, 2013 at 9:51 AM

The upcoming year seems to look pretty promising in terms of film; The Great Gatsby, The Reluctant Fundamentalist and The Spectacular Now (just to name a few) all seem rather promising as far as I'm concerned.

But it wouldn't be a well-rounded year without at least one flick with a bizarre storyline and even stranger cast. Enter Spring Breakers. In case you missed the trailer and don't have two minutes to waste, here's a brief synopsis:

Selena Gomez, Vanessa Hudgens, Ashley Benson and Rachel Korine are four women in college who apparently like to spend most of their time sitting around in bikinis, hitting up saunas and calling each other derogatory names. When spring break rolls around, the four of them, all strapped for cash, end up being the only ones still on campus. Insistent on getting a change of scenery, they come up with a plan to earn a few bucks and get out of town for a while. Host a car wash? Nope. Get jobs like normal people? Not a chance.

They rob a restaurant.

Now, with plenty of cash in hand, the group can do what they've been waiting for: Go to Florida and ride around on Vespas, shoot tequila to their hearts' content and spend the day grinding up against people—a lot. It all comes to a screeching halt when the cops come knocking on their hotel room door and arrest them. But not so fast — the group is bailed out of jail by James Franco's character, a presumable druglord who rocks cornrows, a grille, a sweet dollar-sign neck tattoo and the weirdest, most un-placeable accent I've ever heard. The rest of the movie is spent following the girls and their new friend as they do more illegal stuff and shoot guns into the air.

This movie is disappointing to me in a number of ways (including the clichéd stereotype that says all college students spend their spring vacations hungover and vomiting — an experience I've never had now going into my second semester as a senior), but what perplexes me the most is Franco's decision to actually take this role. I recently made it through all 18 episodes of Freaks and Geeks on Netflix (which I realize is a cult that I've joined a few years late — sue me), where I saw Franco do what I thought was a pretty good job at being a troubled teenager trying to make it through high school. I also enjoyed 127 Hours and Pineapple Express as much as the next guy, so I'm curious to know why he would take a role that uses "Bikinis and big booties, y'all, that's what life is about!" as one of its most memorable quotes.

It'd be foolish for me to assume that everyone thought the same way as I do about this film. In fact, I completely expect it to do great at the box office when it opens on March 22. The cast alone will likely be what draws the crowds, but other factors will make it stand out, namely the fact that Skrillex is responsible for much of the soundtrack, because, at this point, why wouldn't Skrillex be a part of this movie's soundtrack?

Case in point: Spring Breakers is 2013's proof that Hollywood will continue to spend millions to make silly, bizarre movies, and many people will continue to watch them. But I suppose that's OK; the silver lining here is that the trailer ends with a really nice message for viewers to hold on to:

"Spring break forever, bitches."

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