Monday, September 3, 2012

Chuck Norris' Family Claims Obama Re-election Will Bring "1,000 Years Of Darkness"

Posted By on Mon, Sep 3, 2012 at 2:00 PM

Chuck Norris, action film star and the man responsible for creating giraffes after having kicked a horse in the chin, has taken to YouTube, begging for the "30 million evangelical Christians" who sat out last Election Day to make it to the polls this year.

Norris (who is reportedly able to speak braille,) and his wife, Gina, spend nearly a minute reciting quotations from Ronald Reagan and Edmund Burke, intended to inspire voters to make sure that Obama is run on a rail back to Chicago, where, presumably, he would continue conspiring to make America a socialist paradise from an underground lair below the Shedd Aquarium.

As you may know already, the 72-year-old Norris (who is said to be alive today because the Grim Reaper is too afraid to collect him) is no stranger to involving himself in political discussion, going on record in 2009 to claim that, had Obamacare existed 2000 years ago, Mary of Nazareth would have had to abort Jesus Christ.

Tags: , , , , ,

Comments (15)

Showing 1-15 of 15

Add a comment

 
Subscribe to this thread:
Showing 1-15 of 15

Add a comment

Today | Sun | Mon | Tue | Wed | Thu | Fri
Saturday Tour & Tasting

Saturday Tour & Tasting @ Hamilton Distillery

Saturdays, 3-5 p.m.

All of today's events | Staff Picks

Staff Pick

Carnival of Illusion: Magic, Mystery & Oooh La La!

This top-rated illusion show is "Revitalizing Magic" by blending an international travel theme with all the charms… More

@ Scottish Rite Grand Parlour Saturdays. Continues through April 14 160 South Scott Ave

» More Picks

Submit an Event Listing

Popular Content

  1. Laughing Stock: The People's Pervert Does Christmas (The Range: The Tucson Weekly's Daily Dispatch)
  2. Casa Video Top 10 (The Range: The Tucson Weekly's Daily Dispatch)
  3. Facebook-Free Friday (The Range: The Tucson Weekly's Daily Dispatch)
  4. Lil Peep Passes Away Before Show at The Rock (The Range: The Tucson Weekly's Daily Dispatch)
  5. Trusting Entrepreneurs to Improve Education: A Cautionary Tale (The Range: The Tucson Weekly's Daily Dispatch)

© 2017 Tucson Weekly | 7225 Mona Lisa Rd. Ste. 125, Tucson AZ 85741 | (520) 797-4384 | Powered by Foundation