Tuesday, July 31, 2012

Today in Strange First Sentences of News Stories

Posted By on Tue, Jul 31, 2012 at 5:00 PM

From the Oregonian, a story that turns out far better than one might expect:


A man who was intoxicated and masturbating to pornography when he drove a stolen car through the crime scene tape surrounding the homicide of a teen-age boy last year will not have to register as a sex offender.

In case you don't feel like actually reading the story, the once-intoxicated masturbator has been participating in drug treatment and has apparently cleaned up his life, leading to the judge allowing the man to withdraw his guilty plea for public indecency. Hooray for happy endings, right?

Tags: , , ,

Comments (3)

Showing 1-3 of 3

Add a comment

 
Subscribe to this thread:
Showing 1-3 of 3

Add a comment

Previously in the Range

More by Dan Gibson

Today | Fri | Sat | Sun | Mon | Tue | Wed
PiYo Strength Class

PiYo Strength Class @ Floor Polish

Thursdays, 4:30-5:30 p.m.

All of today's events | Staff Picks

Staff Pick

Tucson's 242nd Birthday Celebration

Tucson's Birthday Celebration. This year the event continues to grow as a family-friendly informative and food tasting… More

@ Presidio San Agustín de Tucsón Mon., Aug. 21, 5:30 p.m. 196 N. Court Avenue

» More Picks

Submit an Event Listing

Popular Content

  1. Song of the Day: Billy Sedlmayr Weighs in on Old FM Staple 'Rock & Roll Hoochie Koo' and Johnny and Edgar Winter (The Range: The Tucson Weekly's Daily Dispatch)
  2. Here's What a Skills-Based Curriculum Means In Finland (The Range: The Tucson Weekly's Daily Dispatch)
  3. Puppy Love and Feline Fondness: Get Yourself A Pet for (Nearly) Free This Weekend (The Range: The Tucson Weekly's Daily Dispatch)
  4. TUSD Enrollment, 2000 to 2017 (The Range: The Tucson Weekly's Daily Dispatch)
  5. RIP Blood Spasm Frontman and Underground Tucson Legend ('We Got Cactus'), Bob McKinley (The Range: The Tucson Weekly's Daily Dispatch)

© 2017 Tucson Weekly | 7225 Mona Lisa Rd. Ste. 125, Tucson AZ 85741 | (520) 797-4384 | Powered by Foundation