Tuesday, January 17, 2012

Presidential Candidate Peter "Simon" Bollander: "Let's Do It! I'm Old School With a New-Age Mind!"

Posted By on Tue, Jan 17, 2012 at 1:00 PM

Peter "Simon" Bollander made quite a splash in his first run for the presidency in 2008. He's back this year, although he's switched from a Democrat to a Republican and has evidently joined the Hair Club for Men.

We don't have time to go into Bollander's entire 10-Star program, but we're hoping he has time to send us an electronic version so we can share the entire plan with you. But we can tell you what we told you in 2008:


Peter Bollander boasts that he has more than 100 hours of on-camera television experience and an excellent speaking voice that can deliver heavy Jewish and Italian accents. He’s worked summer stock in Hawaii and has karate training. And he’s managed up to five people at any given time. His obvious qualifications for the White House aside, Bollander has some big ideas. Here’s one: The “Uncle Sam Sweepstakes.” Bollander proposes that lottery tickets be sold across the globe, with 10 percent of the proceeds going to the winners and 90 percent being locked in a trust fund. In just a few decades, we’d have a couple of trillion dollars to solve the nation’s financial problems—all financed by Third World residents who dream of a better life and are really bad at math.

Tags: , , , , , ,

Comments

Showing 1-1 of 1

Add a comment

 
Subscribe to this thread:
Showing 1-1 of 1

Add a comment

More by Jim Nintzel

  • Reel Deal

    Talking with Peggy Johnson about the Loft Cinema's summer makeover
    • May 18, 2017
  • Editor's Note

    The Bear Essentials
    • May 18, 2017
  • The Skinny

    There's no excuse for threatening to shoot U.S. Rep. Martha McSally
    • May 18, 2017
  • More »
Today | Thu | Fri | Sat | Sun | Mon | Tue
Burlesque Fitness

Burlesque Fitness @ Floor Polish

Mondays, Wednesdays, 4:30-5:30 p.m.

All of today's events | Staff Picks

Staff Pick

Cheech and Chong

Cheech and Chong live at AVA Amphitheater with special guest Shelby Chong.… More

@ AVA: Anselmo Valencia Tori Amphitheater Sat., May 27, 8-11 p.m. Casino del Sol, 5655 W. Valencia Road.

» More Picks

Submit an Event Listing

Popular Content

  1. Because of Results-Based Funding, 15 to 17 Percent of Schools Will Get "A" Grades, Down From 30 Percent. Here's Why That's Important (The Range: The Tucson Weekly's Daily Dispatch)
  2. Betsy Needs a Home (The Range: The Tucson Weekly's Daily Dispatch)
  3. A 'Fat Cat Tax'? (The Range: The Tucson Weekly's Daily Dispatch)
  4. The Weekly List: 15 Things To Do In Tucson In The Next 10 Days (The Range: The Tucson Weekly's Daily Dispatch)
  5. The Weekly List: 14 Things To Do In Tucson In The Next 10 Days (The Range: The Tucson Weekly's Daily Dispatch)

© 2017 Tucson Weekly | 7225 Mona Lisa Rd. Ste. 125, Tucson AZ 85741 | (520) 797-4384 | Powered by Foundation