I'm a big fan of the Pima County Fair, not just because I enjoy carnival rides, incarnations of 70's rock bands, hypnotists, and fried food items, but also for the competition side. I'm generally frightened by animals, so I skip out on the 4H style stuff, but every year, I head over to the Home and Fine Arts competition area and see what's happening in the worlds of pickling, table decorating, and woodworking. It's just a fun time for the entire family, and since someone clearly put a lot of time into these products, I feel like I could take a few minutes to check their wares out.

However, this year, I've decided to watch from the sidelines no longer. This year, I'm going to take on these feats of creativity, cookery and design myself. However, I don't want to just participate. I want to dominate.

So, in that spirit, since Michael Phelps set out to win eight gold medals at the Bejing Olympics, I want to win eight ribbons at the 2012 Pima County Fair, scheduled for April 19-29. I know that I'm not going to get anywhere in the Fine Art categories, since I have no skill in the visual art realm whatsoever, but there are a number of options in the Home Arts field [pdf]. Here are the categories I know I will be entering:

1: Lot 680. Table Decorating

This one will be tough. There were some intense table settings up last year, including this paint-themed one.

2: Lot 400. Fresh salsa

I'll probably get killed in this contest, but I've actually made salsa before, which is a head start I don't have in many of these categories.

3: Lot 413. Biscuits, 4

I just want to make Sir Mix-A-Lot proud.

4: Lot 447. Brownies, 5

I like brownies and I'm pretty sure I've made them from scratch at least once.

5: Lot 505. Pickles

I make great spicy Asian pickles. I might actually have a chance at winning in this category, although who knows? The judging's all political, anyway.

6: Lot 647. Decorated Shoe; School colors and theme

I feel like if I'm going to enter eight categories, I should probably participate in one of the five competitions dedicated to decorating shoes and/or boots.

That leaves two categories to enter, including opportunities to make scrapbook pages, holiday tree ornaments, cookies, cakes, pies, etc. Any suggestions? Keep in mind, anything that requires sewing or anything that requires acquired skill, I'm probably out. However, anything I can learn before March is totally fair game. I'll thank anyone who provides useful information in my victory speech. They let ribbon winners give speeches, right?