Friday, February 29, 2008

Asshat is Assgone

Posted By on Fri, Feb 29, 2008 at 3:47 PM

I paid a visit to Alan Ward at the Downtown Farmers' Market on Wednesday and got to see the aftermath of a bullhorn being slammed across your collar bone.

Ward pulled back his shirt just a tad, and sure enough, on his upper right side was a 6-to 8-inch bruise, just beginning to fade from black to blue.

Ward and his market vendors had fun a couple of weeks ago when they set up a screen to block Asshat's view (not his bullhorn) of the market from Asshat's new protest area in front of the downtown Bank of America building. That day, Asshat was arrested, and that weekend, Ward was served No Contact Order papers at his home, thanks to Asshat, requiring Ward to stay 50 feet away from the anti-immigrant Asshat.

Last week, Ward and others decided to screen him out again. This time, Asshat swung his bullhorn at Ward, and Ward was arrested for violating the no-contact order.

According to Ward, he asked the arresting officer if he could file an assault charge against Asshat. He was told he couldn't, because Ward violated the no contact order.

About an hour later, Ward says, Asshat came through the jail, handcuffed and escorted by two Tucson Police Department officers. Ward says the cops had to work hard to make sure they didn't accidentally violate the no-contact order. Ward stayed put while Asshat was processed. Ward was moved to another area more than 50 feet away while Asshat took his spot in the holding area. Even in the confines of jail, a judge's no contact order must be enforced.

When I talked with Ward on Wednesday, I found out Asshat would not be in attendance at his public-speaking corner. Ward says the arresting officer had stopped by with an apology and to tell him it looked like Asshat might not be back for sometime.

The reason Asshat was arrested right after Ward? Asshat allegedly assaulted a City High student. He was also told he could press assault charges against Asshat afterall.

While I waited to make sure Asshat really wasn't going to be show up (Ward jokes about how punctual Asshat is on Wednesdays, 12 noon to 1 p.m.), Ward was paid a visit by TPD Det. Robert Garcia to go over the events of last week, and to confirm that Asshat was going to stay away from the market during an investigation.

I asked Det. Garcia if the investigation had anything to do with Ward, and what may have happened regarding the City High student. He said he couldn't comment. When asked if indeed it was possible Asshat was not coming back, Garcia said he could only guarantee that Asshat would not be back on this particular Wednesday (Feb. 27). "He's smart," Garcia said. "He could be back anytime."

Garcia confirmed that Asshat must stay 1,000 feet from the Bank of America building during the investigation. When will that investigation end? Garcia said he didn't know.

Meanwhile, Ward is heading back to court next week to quash Asshat's no-contact order. He has also filed his own no-contact order against Asshat. Trouble is, he's not sure if the address on Asshat's Web site is his legal residence. Ward was hoping Asshat would be at the BofA building Wednesday so he could have one of the TPD officers serve Asshat with the no-contact-order papers.

Either way, Asshat is out of the market and Ward's hair--for now. But ,as Garcia said, he could be back anytime--with bullhorn in hand.

(Editor's note: The Weekly has decided not to use Asshat's real name in this story, because we don't want Asshat to get the attention he so dearly craves.)