I’m so happy that I can’t drive right now.

With my current residence placing me smack dab in the middle of County Supervisor Ann Day’s River Road nightmare, I only need to close my eyes and listen while my driver du jour bitches as we traverse a craggy obstacle course of dirt, temporary asphalt and construction workers.

Want even more fun? Just wait until it rains.

It all started with the county allowing River Road between Hacienda del Sol Road and Campbell Avenue to disintegrate into a lunar landscape, forcing drivers to jack steering wheels right and then left at the last minute—unless the searing afternoon sun blinded the drivers, leaving tires, rims and struts hapless to the mouths of a plethora of jagged road monsters.

Then came the construction cones, the weather-beaten Ashton Construction trucks and the dreadfully yellow earthmovers, along with sun-brewed traffic flaggers who have the nerve to grin and laugh at drivers as frustration levels become equivalent to daytime temperatures.

I remember talking to Ann Day about the mega project back in 2002, which she loosely described as the great missing piece to the puzzle that would allow her constituents to move about the area more freely. Boy, Ann, I am happy my tax dollars bought you that $37,000 Dodge Durango more than a year ago! (Another well reported fact by the late Chris Limberis from the April 21, 2005 Skinny.) Maybe you can give me a ride to work next time, and together, we can experience the River Road adventure.  

I’d love to hear what you have to say when we’ve completed the course.