Wednesday, June 14, 2006

First Draft of the Rove Apology Speech?

Posted By on Wed, Jun 14, 2006 at 5:46 AM

Karl Rove spent his evening at home punching up his impending apology speech. Naturally he felt some contrition for his malcompetent abuse of power in the case of Mrs. V. Plame—because he's not some sort of sociopath. Indeed, his transgressions haven't even proven to be indictable (and we all know you can indict a ham sandwich), but Rove will acknowledge missteps and ask the country to "move on" in the speech, scheduled for ne—er, wait—he just gave a speech, and it turns out that saying sorry is for suckers! There are veterans like John Kerry and John Murtha whose valor needs impugning:

"They may be with you for the first few bullets but they won't be there for the last tough battles."

Sure, it was in the context of a Republican fundraiser (itself in response to the New Hampshire phonejamming scandal), and this particular serving of red meat is looking more like carne seca every day (the best that the mastermind of the "GO with what works Party" can muster up, post-possibilty-of-indictment: "They're for higher taxes. We're for lower taxes. They're for more spending. We're for less spending.") But such remarks are nonetheless the work of a surpassing hubris the likes of which not seen since the powermad days of Lee Atwater. Especially when you consider that Rove was the recipient of three deferments.

Note to Karl: If you really want to bamboozle people even further, I suggest cribbing heavily from the following universally applicable apology:

Finally, I would like to apologize for spontaneously yelling the word "Savages!" after losing six thousand dollars on a roulette spin at the Choctaw Nation Casino and Sports Book. When I was growing up, the meaning of this word in our household closely approximated the Hawaiian "Aloha," and my use of it in the casino was meant to express "Until we meet again."

(This and more comedy gold minted sporadically at The Compleat Steve.)

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