Wednesday, June 14, 2006

First Draft of the Rove Apology Speech?

Posted By on Wed, Jun 14, 2006 at 5:46 AM

Karl Rove spent his evening at home punching up his impending apology speech. Naturally he felt some contrition for his malcompetent abuse of power in the case of Mrs. V. Plame—because he's not some sort of sociopath. Indeed, his transgressions haven't even proven to be indictable (and we all know you can indict a ham sandwich), but Rove will acknowledge missteps and ask the country to "move on" in the speech, scheduled for ne—er, wait—he just gave a speech, and it turns out that saying sorry is for suckers! There are veterans like John Kerry and John Murtha whose valor needs impugning:

"They may be with you for the first few bullets but they won't be there for the last tough battles."

Sure, it was in the context of a Republican fundraiser (itself in response to the New Hampshire phonejamming scandal), and this particular serving of red meat is looking more like carne seca every day (the best that the mastermind of the "GO with what works Party" can muster up, post-possibilty-of-indictment: "They're for higher taxes. We're for lower taxes. They're for more spending. We're for less spending.") But such remarks are nonetheless the work of a surpassing hubris the likes of which not seen since the powermad days of Lee Atwater. Especially when you consider that Rove was the recipient of three deferments.

Note to Karl: If you really want to bamboozle people even further, I suggest cribbing heavily from the following universally applicable apology:

Finally, I would like to apologize for spontaneously yelling the word "Savages!" after losing six thousand dollars on a roulette spin at the Choctaw Nation Casino and Sports Book. When I was growing up, the meaning of this word in our household closely approximated the Hawaiian "Aloha," and my use of it in the casino was meant to express "Until we meet again."

(This and more comedy gold minted sporadically at The Compleat Steve.)

Comments

Subscribe to this thread:

Add a comment

More by Curtis McCrary

Today | Wed | Thu | Fri | Sat | Sun | Mon
PiYo Strength Class

PiYo Strength Class @ Floor Polish

Thursdays, 4:30-5:30 p.m.

All of today's events | Staff Picks

Staff Pick

Carnival of Illusion: Magic, Mystery & Oooh La La!

This top-rated illusion show is "Revitalizing Magic" by blending an international travel theme with all the charms… More

@ Scottish Rite Grand Parlour Saturdays. Continues through April 14 160 South Scott Ave

» More Picks

Submit an Event Listing

Popular Content

  1. Let's Listen To That Awesome New Calexico Single (The Range: The Tucson Weekly's Daily Dispatch)
  2. Results-Based Funding: The Transition From Test Scores To School Grades (The Range: The Tucson Weekly's Daily Dispatch)
  3. Koch Brothers Infiltrate Pima County Schools With a High School Econ Course (The Range: The Tucson Weekly's Daily Dispatch)
  4. Laughing Stock: Odd as Ever; Ever Laughable (The Range: The Tucson Weekly's Daily Dispatch)
  5. Boris Blows Your Mind (and the Rest of Your Body) Away (The Range: The Tucson Weekly's Daily Dispatch)

© 2017 Tucson Weekly | 7225 Mona Lisa Rd. Ste. 125, Tucson AZ 85741 | (520) 797-4384 | Powered by Foundation