I’ve written some about Tucson Unified School District, but I never thought as a parent of a TUSD student that I’d be one of those families who finally gave up and left, and that’s exactly what we decided to do this year. My mom is a graduate of Tucson High, as are her sisters and many cousins, and my great-Uncle E.D. Herreras is in its hall of fame. This was always part of the narrative I’d share with my son and part of the plan on where he’d go to high school and then eventually college.
But my son’s first seven years of school haven’t been easy. The special education challenges have been tremendous and the stress it caused on our family over the years took its toll, especially the past three years. However, through those challenges, we worked hard, he especially.
Last year, my son attended Utterback Magnet Middle School in TUSD. For the most part he loved it; it ended up being a great supportive environment for him to help him become a better advocate for himself. He left the trappings of a self-contained classroom behind early in the year and realized he could excel academically—honor roll with straight A’s at the end of the year. (Yep, I am a damn proud mama.)
The problem, as my son stretched and grew, ended up not being teachers, or special education confinements, but bullying. It started to become physical and it really changed my son’s outlook on school—although he remained committed to keeping his grades up. But with resolve he made it clear he didn’t want to go back to Utterback the following year. He wanted a change. We did, too.
My ex-husband and son took a couple of days to look at schools, though the final decision was based on a whim—change districts. It seemed like a good idea. Move into the district, give him a chance to start over without the IEP and the history it brings from school to school, and hope to hell this is going to work.
For the first time my son was nervous about the first day of school. He was also happy, unlike other kids, that summer was over and he was eager to return. Despite a history of negative experiences and what has always seemed like an ongoing battle that always ended in defeat, my kid loves school and loves learning. He’s gifted and talented, loves to read and discuss new ideas and generally, I tell you, I really enjoy his company. I love hanging out with him, talking, singing, eating a good dinner at home, movies—seriously, my son brings me so much joy even in those other times, so much joy. I’ve always felt blessed to be his mother and to know him.
So when he got into the car yesterday after I picked him up from school it was a moment I will never forgot—a historic moment in our family, really. My kid was so happy (yeah, sure, the day ended with choir), but it was sincerely a first. A seamless first day. But yes, I recognize privilege and the fact that not everyone is able to just up and switch districts. One of my son’s parents had to move, and one of us has to drive more than the other. It didn’t matter. We needed to do something different.
But I still feel guilty. That narrative we tell our children, we also tell ourselves and it can be strong. I also feel like I gave up in some way, but damn that was after always feeling defeated as a parent in the special education system. It is crazy making—really it is. There are gems out there—amazing teachers and aides, and great people all around. Utterback, which went from a D to a C in its recent state scores, has a building full of amazing teachers who genuinely care about kids, which is why I think our son did so well and figured out how to become an advocate for himself and how to become a good student. I can’t begin this new school year without thanking them and wishing them the best. There are good people there, as there are in many other schools.
It was time, finally, I guess, to say enough and put some hope back into the future. The special education system can feel like a big bully itself, so why actually subject your kid to the real deal? And look, this isn’t an anti-bully tirade. I know they will always be around to a certain extent, and sorry, but no amount of money trying to introduce programs to fix it are always going to work. In fact, I think we proved that last year.
But here are some questions: Why does working with special ed kids who want to be inclusive end up being so challenging? Why so impossible? Why can’t genuine bullying prevention work?
I don’t know, maybe the narrative can continue. Maybe some day my son will stride through Tucson High, and look for the alumni brick with my mom’s name on it that she purchased a few years ago, or look for my great-uncle’s photo in the hall of fame line-up while he walks to his classes. Maybe by then there will be this new TUSD that we never thought could exist. Maybe.
Really, if any lessons are learned they are: Kids can work their butts off and they can also outgrow their diagnoses; protect yourself and your family from the challenges and often inhumane stresses that come with the system as best you can; remember the narrative always changes and it’s good that it does; and do what’s best for your kids, with no guilt.
That smile on my son’s face yesterday was new; even with that same beautiful dimple, it was new. I can’t wait to see it again today. Happy new school year to you no matter what school district your kids are attending. And to all the special education families out there: Stay strong and I wish you lots and lots of love. And to teachers who make a difference, you’ll always have my respect and appreciation, and I wish you an amazing, amazing year.
This article appears in Aug 8-14, 2013.
Thank you…not sure what it was that you said that touched me so deeply….maybe just knowing as a mother constantly feeling like I have to battle the system..I am not alone, and there is hope to see that smile back on my daughter’s face this year…especially since it is her senior year and I so much wish people would just let her feel as normal as possible and it will be a year for her to cherish and look back on…despite the obstacles she must face on a daily basis…. it shouldnt have to be this way…but forge ahead we must, hopefully with more good days than bad…
I am glad that your son is happy where he is. That is the most important thing, and I wish him much success. I was driven to comment here, however, because I am tired of the negative coverage of TUSD. From the title and the opening, it seems you were forced to give up on TUSD because of what that particular district has done or does. I haven’t read your previous posts, but from what I see here that isn’t the case. You wanted him away from his IEP and getting a fresh start, correct? Wouldn’t that have been accomplished moving from one district to another, regardless of what those districts were? You praised the Utterback staff, yet condemned the district. I don’t understand.
Mari, This is the first time I can remember really liking your column. I appreciate the way you put the needs of your child ahead of any and all political, ideological or other considerations. For those of us with strong political views that is often an unexpectedly hard thing to do. Both of my sons had IEPs during their K-12 years though neither one experienced bullying. I empathize with the feelings of success your family has recently experienced. Kudos to you all.
To TUSD parent: It is very common for parents (and others) to like particular schools yet dislike the district. All the annual studies done to assess the way the public grades schools finds much higher grades for the schools our own kids attend than for the district or public schools in general.
People continue to send their kids to C and D schools, because it’s their neighborhood school, and they recognize that the grades are bogus measures of the quality of their school.
Excellent write-up, Mari.
TUSD has become a poor excuse of a school district in way too many ways. Your son needed to have this change happen, and as a parent you did what was correct for his protection and betterment. I applaud what you’ve done for your family!
– Colt
Very brave article. Family first everything else not that important.
My child also had a problem with bullies. She first went to the teacher, teacher told her she had “to live it”, she then went to the principal, who basically told her the same thing, finally she came to me. I in turn went through channels as was told the my daughter needed to “buck up” and deal with it. Well one thing lea to another and my daughter stood up to her bullies and won, then their parents were suddenly involved and one of the bullies father attempted to bully me, he also learned that didn’t work either. The problem with schools and bullying is that most do not take the situation seriously until it’s to late, and the administration usually find a way to blame the victim, and not address the root cause of bullies, nor stop bullies.
And people are so shocked when a kid brings a gun to school and starts taking shots at the bullies.
Teachers and staff must take action when any type of harassment is reported!
Mari, I am so sorry that your son had this experience. I will forward your column to the superintendent and think that district leadership needs to discuss what more we should do to prevent students from suffering this kind of unacceptable misery at school. It is obviously not your responsibility to help us fix it, but please feel free to send any specific suggestions you have.
Great column Mari, as they all are. I hope the fact that your son no longer goes to TUSD doesn’t mean that you will no longer write about it, because we all need your critical lense on this district.
Mark, while we welcome the comments you make on items concerning TUSD, what troubles me is that often they seem mostly for show. Surely you remember the past post from my current editor about his own son’s bullying issues at the TUSD school he attended. These conversations aren’t new at the Tucson Weekly where sometimes, between deadlines, we share stories about our kids and families — being that we are a family all our own that puts together a newspaper every week and cares about each other. When you were first elected you often attended a parent special education meeting — that’s where we first met — and many other parents who attended were hopeful that a governing board member’s interest meant perhaps an interest in changing a system that is troubled and in some cases no longer works. This isn’t the first time you’ve heard from a parent — you get emails and calls from a variety of parents, educators and staff about many issues in the district. I recognize this is one of many. Some of the other comments above are from folks who are regular critics of the district, although to TUSD Parent, I understand your concerns, but please understand mine. My POV as a parent of child in the special ed system crosses other districts, but in TUSD where my son attended both performing and underperforming schools, our experiences at times well frankly, tore us apart. These are experiences that most parents of typical children will never understand. To Betts — you bet, still cover TUSD and hope to continue to into the future. Abrazos
Two TUSD board members make a post on here expressing interest. One gets admonished by the author and the other does not. Interesting.
What exactly has Betts Putnam-Hidalgo accomplished regarding bullying and/or special education within TUSD which Mr. Stegeman has not?
Mari, if you sat in a seat as one of five board members you would realize how hard it is to change what actually happens in schools, especially on an issue like this where you can pass all the policies you want and it may not much change what actually happens. Yes, many of the problems at TUSD are decades old; bullying, as you realize, did not start when your child entered the system. That does not make them easier to fix. It often seems to make change more difficult.
HumanBean, Betts is not a member of the board. Mark is an elected official. If does’t know how to take any heat by now, than damn, or any of the board members, don’t run for office. Mark, I understand that, and this isn’t just about bullying. But gee, wouldn’t it be great if elected folks could actually be agents of change rather than just agents of divisive politics and policy purveyors?
Apologies Mari, I should have looked that up. Can you pull my posts on here? I wish your son a great school year in his new endeavors!
That HumanBean, you’ll have to take up with my editor.
For what it’s worth I had the same impression of Mr. Stegeman’s post on here that you did; however I also fallaciously applied the same line of reasoning to Mrs. Putnam-Hidalgo’s message while under the impression that she was elected.
I would like to retract my previous statement in light of my own ignorance with regards to the relevant parties.
As a former educator, now retired, may I make a statement? I don’t care what school, district or board policy is, if one of my students had reported a bullying incident, I certainly would have looked into it and not passed it off as “buck up and live with it”. No child should have to endure bullying. TUSD needs to rethink the issues of bullying and deal with not only the students, but the parents of these students and end this in our schools.
While I know bullying is not exclusive to TUSD, it just seems like we hear an awful lot more horror stories about TUSD bullying issues than any other school district in SE Arizona. It would behoove the new Superintendent and the Board to make a VERY strong anti-bullying stance. Immediately. Or good kids and parents will continue to drift away to better/safer school districts. Honestly, I’m a Flowing Wells alum myself and have no investment at all in TUSD (would never send either of my small children to a TUSD school even if I lived in district) except all these bad/embarrassing stories coming from TUSD are a disgrace to my home town. I sincerely hope for all future parents and children, this new Superintendent knows what he is doing. And kudos to you Mari for doing what is right for your boy. Having a familial connection to an establishment is nice but sometimes that can be an albatross around the neck. I hope your son does well at his new school. He sounds like a great kid. Good luck.
Last night the Board unfortunately passed a major policy change that ties principals’ hands and will make it harder to control bullying.
Great article, and apparently nothing has changed at Utterback in over twenty five years! I went to Sewell Elementary, great experience, then went to Utterback for a year, it was horrible. Some of the teachers were very nice, but the school feels like a prison. Did anything to get the heck out of there after one year, and did.
My brother went there and his arm was “accidentally” broken by bullies who didn’t like him when they shoved him down some steps. There was a great junior high close to where I lived, it was mindless to bus for 45 minutes, to sometimes 90 minutes to go to a school on the other side of town. And there was a Math-Science school I wanted to go to much closer to home as well. At Utterback they “made” or perhaps strongly suggested, that I spend time digging out a patch of dirt behind the school, and then hoe in manure and plant flowers for the teachers. This was our idiotic science project as part of the science club at Utterback . . . to work as gardeners for the school as a 7th grader.
Utterback will always be a rough school I guess.
Why isn’t the Tucson Weekly discussing what the Arizona Daily Star discovered: that the 3 other candidates for the job were superior to H.T. Sanchez in terms of achievements. H.T. Sanchez forced the board to somehow make him the only candidate for the job and Arizona Daily Star had to file a lawsuit to get them to release the names.
I’m going to organize to vote out Adelita Grijalva, enough backroom deals and ignoring what is best for TUSD. A lot of my extreme hatred for how TUSD is run can be traced back to Utterback I guess.
Hey I know him, I never talked to him, but he was a good person, yeah I know, he is a little big……but…… so what, it doesn’t mean he has no feelings, I think if I was gonna get to know him, he could have been a good person