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I’m a big fan of the payouts from consumer class action lawsuits. Naked Juice wasn’t entirely juice? Thanks for the $8! Rice Krispies wasn’t exactly the most nutritious breakfast? I’ll take $11 to repair my damaged trust in cereal. Now, Red Bull is the latest company that’s paying out a settlement to make up for the fact that people are kind of dumb and believed that the tagline “Red Bull Gives You Wings” implied that you’d be a better athlete or have the ability to fly if they drank the world’s most popular energy drink. So, as part of a $13 million payout, anyone who bought a Red Bull in the last ten years (and believed there was some benefit to the product) can apply for either $10 cash or $15 in Red Bull products.

The catch is that this payout is partially determined by how many people apply, and since you don’t need really any proof that you actually bought anything (other than electronically signing an affidavit), there will probably be a lot of people trying to get something for nothing.

Still, worth a shot, right? The website is only sporadically working at the moment, but you have until March 2, 2015 to try to get in on the action. Good luck.

This article appears in Oct 9-15, 2014.

The editor of the Tucson Weekly. I have no idea how I got here.

8 replies on “Here’s Your Chance to Get Back the Money Red Bull Stole From You”

  1. Whoa there, Gibson. There is absolutely NOTHING wrong with my Red Bull consumption, even if my hand did excessively vibrate and phase through my desk the one time.

  2. Most of the pay out money goes to the tort lawyers. They get millions, the consumer gets $10. Hardly a win for consumers.

  3. While drinking Red Bull, I never expected wings, prematurely, to MY expiration. I only needed to stay awake to drive – kinda like in place of coffee. No one is that stupid………. except lawyers!

  4. Calling someone stupid, who can finagle a 13 million dollar settlement on those merits, seems highly inaccurate.

  5. A friend pushed this crap on me before we went to the gym one day. Something in the back of my mind said I didn’t want it and I couldn’t remember why, but decided to humor him. It tasted like cough syrup.

    Three hours later, after my heart couldn’t go below 2-3 beats per second, he drove me to the hospital, where my BP was 190/130. Among other things, they gave me a nitrogiycerin pill to cool things down. Another nasty taste in my mouth, like chili peppers mixed with chemical waste.

    The emergency room fee was $75. I made him pay it.

  6. Holy cow what a scam by the weakly. You got me to chase my tail for a few minutes. I erroneously thought that I would actually get some free stuff from reading the weakly. What a joke. Same o unfounded reporting. Doesnt it make you coolaid drinkers wonder if the stuff that you swallow is drinkable? The weakly coolaid will make you fly.

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