I was speaking at a high-school class when a kid asked me where I get the ideas for my columns. I first explained that, as a columnist, I am blessed to live in a state with the absolute worst legislature in the entire country—a bunch of racist, sexist, anti-education inbred crackers who are bought and paid for by special interests and religious zealots. A halfway-decent columnist could write about the atrocities perpetrated on the citizens of Arizona by these knuckleheads on a weekly basis without ever repeating him/herself. But there is something to be said for variety.
I also read a lot every day (newspapers and magazine) and watch the news. I always thought it would be cool to be like the late Mike Royko. You know, a guy from The Block, the voice of the people. But, while I’ve been here almost four decades, I’m not a native. Plus, I don’t hang around bars where I get to hear colorful stories from guys named Knuckles or Cheese. Mostly, however, it’s because I’m not as good as Mike Royko was.
Nevertheless, I do have a surprising number of people who offer me (unsolicited) ideas for columns. Most email me, but some come up to me at the store, at a ball game, or even after church. In just the past couple weeks, I’ve received these suggestions:
• Hey Tom, why don’t you write about that guy whose execution lasted more than two hours? That was terrible.
Someone actually spoke those words to me and my response—quick and final—was something that rhymes exactly with “Duck that smother trucker!” I was puzzled by all of the hand-wringing and gnashing of teeth that followed the “botched” execution. I just wondered whether, while he was choking on his own crap, if he could see the faces of the two people he brutally murdered just because he had been a lousy boyfriend. I feel sorry not at all for that dude.
The Constitution bans cruel and unusual punishment. That’s why the injection came about in the first place; it was supposed to be more humane than other methods. They did mess up his execution; it should be fixed.
Oddly enough, if the state and/or country decided to ban capital punishment altogether, I’d be fine with that. It would probably be for the best. But, in the meantime, I’ve got no problem with our society saying bye-bye to that guy.
• Tom, do you support the $15 minimum wage for fast-food workers?
Fifteen dollars an hour? Starting pay for fast-food workers?! Um, no.
Like the vast majority of all Americans—Republicans and Democrats alike—I strongly support the raising of the minimum wage to somewhere in the $10/hour range. That’s where it should have been for some time now. Unfortunately, the American economy has been hijacked by a bunch of Business School pirates for whom more than enough is never enough. And they have an army of sycophants in Congress who are so enamored with money that they’ll do anything for their super-rich buddies in hopes that some cash might fall off and magically float their way.
(There’s that great line in House of Cards, where Kevin Spacey laments of his former assistant, “Unfortunately, like so many people in Washington, he went for the money instead of the power.”)
Back in the day, fast-food positions were mostly filled by young kids, doing entry-level jobs after school or on the weekends. Times have changed and I know that some of those jobs are now held by single parents and people who graduated college with English Literature degrees.
An increase in the minimum wage is long overdue, but $15/hour for working at a burger joint is just crazy talk.
• Somebody emailed me about a petition they’re circulating, trying to get the University of Arizona to divest itself from any dealing with the mega-rich right-wing nutbirds, the Koch Brothers. (In this case only, “Koch” is pronounced “Kook.”)
I don’t agree. I pretty much despise the Koch Brothers and all they stand for. I hope they end up like the Duke Brothers, the characters played by Don Ameche and Ralph Bellamy in Trading Places—broke and out on the street.
But this isn’t like asking an institution to divest itself from dealing with the apartheid government of South Africa. The Koch Brothers are Americans and, while what they stand for is disgusting and reprehensible, it’s not against the law. Sorry.
• Tom, do you think Tucson should follow Tempe’s lead and ban e-cigarettes in public places?
Oh, hell yes. I went to the movies a few weeks ago and there was some woman smoking one of those things a few rows ahead of us. Every time she sucked on it, a light went on and then a cloud of vapor obscured the screen. When I asked her nicely to stop, she said, “It’s not against the law.”
Neither, I hope, was pissing on her car.
• Tom, a while ago, you said you were going to try to get that God-awful statue of Pancho Villa removed from downtown. Did you drop the ball on that?
Yes, and now I’m picking it back up. I’m going to contact the members of the City Council, find out why they’re willing to leave that monstrosity alone and then go from there.
This article appears in Aug 14-20, 2014.
In other words, you’re a miserable right wing asshole who hasn’t changed in forty years of writing this crap. You’re a disgrace to your family, your readers, your employer and to yourself. You’re a loser, Tom. A stupid opinionated ignorant loser. You write bile and seat of your ass comments each week. Get lost. You’re a fool and a pompous shmuck.
The previous comment is funny, if nothing else.
In reference to the $15 per hour minimum wage, they did this in Australia a few years back, a Big Mac costs about 25 cents more, no Mickey Dees closed and the sky remained in place.
Strangely we don’t hear too much about this
Miserable right wing a-hole? That’s funny, most of the other folks always call him a left-wing liberal.
I don’t agree with everything he says but at least it is interesting and fairly well researched.
The problem with most “news reporters” today is they are just a bunch of talking heads spouting off whatever is a quick soundbite.
I miss the days of folks like Walter Cronkite, Chet Huntley, David Brinkley, et al. They were newsmen and did a lot of research before making a statement in public, and tried to cover both sides of a story without prejudice.
In the meantime, at least what Tom says is entertaining.
1. Mike Royko and Tom Danehy do not belong in the same column. Royko faced left wing idiocy (he was a thorn in the side of ‘Da Boss’, Richard J. Daley, ‘Da Mare’). 2. If Tom would recognize that the ‘ bunch of racist, sexist, anti-education inbred crackers’ were voting their sincere beliefs he would stick to defending his leftist positions rationally rather than his favorite argument technique: Calling Names (otherwise known as ad hominem).
Daley “left wing”? Somebody never lived in Chicago…
Gurnemanz…YOU disgrace your family and yourself by using language like that.
“Someone actually spoke those words to me and my response—quick and final—was something that rhymes exactly with “Duck that smother trucker!” I was puzzled by all of the hand-wringing and gnashing of teeth that followed the “botched” execution. I just wondered whether, while he was choking on his own crap, if he could see the faces of the two people he brutally murdered just because he had been a lousy boyfriend. I feel sorry not at all for that dude.”
But why stop there? Perhaps we can draw the execution process out to say 6 hours and stream it live. If the murder was especially heinous (splitting hairs I suppose if you are a friend or family member of the victim) why not keep the condemned conscious while eviscerating and gouging the eyes from the condemned?
Danehy doesn’t seem to grasp the concept of “cruel and unusual.” His breast beating is even more ridiculous when he opines “They did mess up his execution; it should be fixed…
Oddly enough, if the state and/or country decided to ban capital punishment altogether, I’d be fine with that. It would probably be for the best. But, in the meantime, I’ve got no problem with our society saying bye-bye to that guy.” Conflicted much?
As a pet owner, I’ve held too many of my pets as they were euthanized. The pain of watching them die was tempered and made bearable by their peaceful exits. As a society we can agree that even the worst of the worst deserve to be put down with dignity. Not for their sake but because we should be above prolonged experiments in state sanctioned killing.
It may sound trite, but we are better than that.
When will it become clear to the owners of this paper that Danehy needs to be dropped.
Never. Birds of a feather and all that.
In other words, you’re a miserable LEFT wing asshole who hasn’t changed in forty years of writing this crap. You’re a disgrace to your family, your readers, your employer and to yourself. You’re a loser, Tom. A stupid opinionated ignorant loser. You write bile and seat of your ass comments each week. Get lost. You’re a fool and a pompous shmuck.
There I fixed it for you.
It would be great if the stupid posts of Gurnemanz and Harlan Thomas just cancelled each other out, but sadly, they just make the world an even dumber place.
Dang Tom, looks like you are the Rick Flair of Tucson Journalism, whooo!
Crackers? Is that a racist term? You show no respect for the office.
I was thinking he was approaching Andy Kaufman level of disdain.
(And that’s not Italian for ‘dis dame)
Fugetaboutit.
“and tried to cover both sides of a story without prejudice.”
Well, that’s definitely not Danehy. He sticks to his preconceptions, right or wrong. Gotta give him that.
Tom, you can raise as much of a ruckus about that statue as you want but it’s been there longer than most citizens have been in Tucson. It had been there a while before I left and that was 20 years ago. At least you don’t live in a place with Confederate statues and the nuts that think they are a symbol of a glorious past.