The Arizona Legislature has been catching some heat from left-wing rags and wags recently, but I say it’s time to leave the law-making folks alone.
If we had a bunch of weak-willed Democrats running around the rented halls of power in Phoenix, do you think the state would have its very own Official State Firearm? No damn way. They’d probably be turning a picture of a saguaro upside down and trying to turn it into the Official State Peace Symbol or some such nonsense.
No, it takes a certain something (or perhaps a complete lack of something) to designate an official state firearm just weeks after one of the worst mass shootings in recent American history.
However, as State Sen. Sylvia Allen, Republican of Snowflake (emphasis on the second syllable), says, the shootings in Tucson had nothing to do with guns. I’m sure that the victims and their families are glad that we got that straightened out.
One thing I’m not really sure of is the reasoning behind Senate Bill 1201, which would allow guns to be taken into most public buildings, even those in which guns are not welcome. Guns über alles!
I don’t get it, Gun Guys. Do you really need to take a gun into a public building? If so, why? Not “because I can” or “because I want to.” Those are a third-grader’s responses to a college-level question.
Say, for example, you’re going downtown to conduct some business with the state. Maybe you could just borrow your neighbor’s penis for a couple of hours; then you can enter the building without quaking with fear that you’re going to get mugged by a bureaucrat. (I mean literally mugged. All of us have been figuratively mugged by a bureaucrat at one time or another.)
On the plus side, I think you’re on to something with this “official state” stuff. You should do more of it. Heck, the budget will take care of itself, and who needs education, anyway, when we’re the only state with an official state firearm?
(Oh, God! Please tell me that we’re the only state with an official firearm!)
In case you guys run out of “official state” ideas, allow me to offer a few suggestions:
• Official state mascot: Let’s see, it should have a red neck and a small brain. Maybe Nathan Bedford Forrest. Naw, he’s going to be on Mississippi’s license plates. How about Ev Mecham? Compared to today’s politicians, his “pickaninny” gaffe seems almost quaint. No wait, I’ve got it: Pancho Villa. He’s perfect, because he loved guns and hated Mexicans.
• Official state punchline: “And then God said, ‘That’s why I made Joe Arpaio.'”
• Official state hobby: Apparently, it’s shooting stuff. And people.
• Official state Vulcan saying: “Live long … enough to qualify for Medicare.” (Because Jan Brewer is going to gut AHCCCS.)
• Official state excuse (for everything): Janet Napolitano.
• Official state stance on bullies: We won’t let the feds bully us, but we reserve the right to bully cities.
• Official state endangered species: Teachers.
• Official state song: “By the Time I Get to Phoenix” (Republican Remix):
By the time I get to Phoenix, there’ll be an uprising,
When they find the sign that was hanging on the door.
They’ll laugh when they see the part about “No Firearms,”
‘Cause we want our guns in every bar and store.
By the time they reach Albuquerque, they’ll be wond’rin’,
They’ll probably stop and ponder the fall.
But they’ll just see our grip keep right on wringin’
‘Til there’s a pall. Then that’s all.
By the time we’re like Oklahoma, I’ll be sleepin’,
I’ll turn softly, call my lobbyist’s name out loud.
And they’ll cry when they see what we’ve done to Arizona,
Time and time again, we tried to tell them so,
But they didn’t know, the middle class is still our foe.
• Official state motto: They’re still mulling this one over. They narrowed it down to three before somebody walked out into the middle of the Sonoran Desert and whispered, “Taxes.” The Legislature immediately stopped what it was doing—pretty much nothing—and formed a single-file line so that each member, in turn, could denounce taxes as evil, communist, completely unnecessary, carcinogenic and/or really, really yucky.
The three mottos that they have to choose from are:
“The only good Meskin’ is a legal Meskin’ … and the guy who cleans my pool.”
“Economy?! We don’t need no stinkin’ economy!”
“Hispanics: How can we miss you if you won’t go away?”
• Official state tool: Russell Pearce.
• Official state cost-saving measure: When printing copies of the United States Constitution for Arizonans, don’t waste paper and ink by printing all 27 Amendments, because we obviously only need the second one.
This article appears in Mar 10-16, 2011.
At least Arizona has a successful make work project for the mentally-challenged (read:Republican legislators)!
Utah: The Browning .45cal M1911
and
Pennsylvania: The Pennsylvania Long Rifle
Seems that the only big deal is that it’s taking place in Arizona – look around, there are many other states considering it’s new immigration laws too. Hell, be proud it’s not always California that sets the pace in the US.
😉
Reliance, Tennessee
You’re losing your touch, Danehy. usually you present some air-headed liberal agenda or theory that any rational person can tear to shreds with simple observations of reality, but today you’re just spouting kindergarten drivel. Sounds like a temper tantrum to me.
Guns in public buildings and God forbid colleges? Are the citizens of Arizona so scared of their fellow citizens that they need an “equalizer” to deal with each other? This isn’t Tombstone of the 1800’s, its the 21st century for crying out loud. Learn how to talk to each other and reason things out like adults and resist the urge to “shoot first and ask questions later.”
No, I’m not anti-gun. There are places for them. Hunting, protecting livestock, police officers, etc. But for the average hot tempered Joe to have one in any public building, office, or school is just plain dangerous. They say guns don’t kill people, people kill people. Yes but if that person is some deranged idiot, just giving them the means is stupid enough.
I think our elected legislators have just lost touch with the 21st century if not their sanity and need to get back to dealing with real issues.
The government is there to provide services and like it or not, those services cost money. Taxes are the only way to pay for those services so bite the bullet, literally, and figure out how much we need to pay for those vital services like police, fire protection, and yes, even social services for those who need them.
Make sure there are checks and balances so those needed services aren’t abused if need be but figure out a way to pay for them. And stop cutting vital services like education. If we want to attract high tech industry to Arizona, we need an educated workforce or those employers will look elsewhere.
The children in Phoenix just need to grow up, act like adults, and move on with their real job of meaningful government.
And Danehy, I see the usual idiots are attacking you again because you choose humor to illustrate the stupidity. Great job, keep it up!
Is anyone else tiring of the overwrought juxtaposition of the firearms question and the Gifford’s shooting? Sure, whatever side of the issue we stand, mass shooting incidents always ignite the firearm debate. But let’s give pause to the way so many publications, especially the TW, continue to frame gun control and the Gifford’s shooting. As controversial as it may be, as preposterous as it may initially sound, force yourself to re-evaluate the forces that share some of this shooting’s blame.
Let’s see, in both interviews and media research conducted since, it has come to light that both Gabrielle Giffords and her staff recognized the specter of physical threat. From a concealed weapon falling to the ground during one of her public appearances, to voice & electronic threats, to intentional damage to her offices, wouldn’t you think someone—anyone—in her diverse(?) staff would’ve acted on these threats? Doesn’t the mere compilation of them ring a warning bell? Was her supposedly smart staff—and husband & family—that oblivious to the facts? Why were no serious security measures enacted for at least her public appearances? I’m talking the theory of actual reality, not a romanticized view of how I wish things were. Simply put, Gabby & her entourage take some responsibility for what happened to themselves and to a handful of their constituents. With so many prevailing warnings, failing to recognize this fact—with concrete action—is just another example of failed government leaders.
I cannot believe you blamed gabby and staff for what one deranged person did, yes with a GUN.
Firelog you make me sick.