H20 Discotec, located at 61 E. Congress Street and brought to you by the folks behind Zen Rock and Sapphire, has been in the works for awhile and is seemingly opening soon with dazzling neon-light bathrooms, a LED ceiling and very expensive water features. Apparently, if you want to fully experience the bottle-service glamour of H20, you need to be a VIP member? Well, that’s not entirely correct…according to the application form, women are set, but the guys need to fill out a form to get a card to get into a Tucson nightclub.

Information you need to give out if you want to apply:

• Basic contact stuff like your name, address, email, phone number.
• A link to your Facebook page
• Your employer
• Your income
• Your martial status
• How often you go out and where?
• What kind of music you like
• Your experience with bottle service

Give over all that data (I was looking for where to put my Social Security number and didn’t see that field, so I just put it in the bottle service section) and you might be able to get your hands on a Black Card as a VIP member. No idea what that means, but I’M PRETTY PSYCHED ABOUT IT, BRO.

This article appears in Oct 24-30, 2013.

The editor of the Tucson Weekly. I have no idea how I got here.

11 replies on “You Can Apply to Be Someone Important at H20 Discotec (If That’s Your Thing)”

  1. But they have magnificent light shows and breath taking water features, and a fucking neon robot apparently.

  3. My favorite places to grab a drink are the ones where I need to submit my tax returns. No offense H2O (ok, actually a lot of offense), but take it to Scottsdale.

  5. I welcome them! This way all the dbags and pneumatic golddiggers can stay in one place and leave the rest of us alone.

  6. Hey Karlito – As one of the “dbags” you so lovingly reference, there’s a couple things you need to know. There is no need for you to avoid “dbags” like us, because not only are we skilled enough to avoid counter-culture types like you, we have the money to do it. It’s not hard to avoid your wallet chain, vespa driving, hoop gauge wearing, second hand shopping, duplex living, parliament smoking, burger flipping group. There’s a whole other culture out here in Tucson that loves fine automobiles, gated communities, Martini’s and upscale shopping. We know where to find you and therefore how to avoid you; places like Mr. Head’s, Club Congress and Che’s lounge. If I have to pay $15 for a Martini at Sullivans, to avoid you, I’ll gladly do it. So will lots of other people.

    Thanks for warning me that you won’t be at this new place… you just sold me on it.

  9. You obviously care more about proving you aren’t a $30k millionaire than I do about proving you are.

  11. I can see how the “upscale” hates “indie”, and I can also see how “indie” hates “upscale”. I see how dbags can be seen as this crowd, but I can also see the same for the “indie” crowd. Sure an overall generalization for this crowd(zen, h2o, etc) could be seen as pretentious, facade, etc. you can apply the “indie”(Che’s, congress, etc) as thinking they are too good. To each their own. If you have to make statements and stereotypical generalizations just to bring down another culture, then you are just as bad as the former. You aren’t as good as you think you are. Let’s all embrace the fact that this is a small piece that shows our downtown as an entity is growing. Let’s wish that our community grows, prospers, and stays healthy. I wish the best for this business, just as the other culturally adversarial nightlife entertainment establishments.

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