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Film Clips
Reviews by Ian Caruth, Diane Daly, James DiGiovanna, Renée Downing and Linsay Hernon.
13 GHOSTS. Matthew Lillard, Tony Shalhoub and Shannon Elizabeth play the white people who are trapped in a house haunted by somewhere between 12 and 14 ghosts. F. Murray Abraham plays Vincent Price playing a guy who owns a haunted house. And Embeth Davidtz plays a political activist whose big issue is ghost liberation. All of them wind up whirling about in a really cool glass house fighting high-tech special effects as satanic forces prepare for some ill-defined evil, something like being able to see the future or a tax raise or something. It's not important, because 13 Ghosts is all about spooky-cool visuals, which it has. It doesn?t exactly have too much else, but it's got enough else that if you want to see a movie featuring over 11 ghosts, but fewer than 15 ghosts, then this is definitely the movie to see. --DiGiovanna
ALI. Michael Mann's portrait of the three-time heavyweight champion focuses on the period of Mohammad Ali's life that many viewers are already familiar with: from his title-winning fight with Sonny Liston to the "Rumble in the Jungle" with George Foreman. The fight scenes are dazzling, and Will Smith manages to sound and even look uncannily like Ali in and out of the ring, but with the camera so zoomed in at his and other actors' pores it is difficult for the viewer to get beyond the surface of Ali's footwork and quick litany to the sources of his movements and of his genius. Props, however, to Smith and Mann for the unflinching portrayal, in this era, of Ali the Muslim and his open criticism and defiance of the U.S. government in wartime. It's a moving film overall if you can tune out the heavy-handed soundtrack. --Daly
AMELIE. A quirky introvert searches for her Prince Charming in this fable spiced with vibrant creativity, juvenile practical jokes, a world-traveling garden gnome and a reclusive brittle-boned painter. Audrey Tauton stars as the shy, hopeless romantic with a troubled past who discovers that her life's purpose is being a guardian angel to the good and a playful prankster to the bad. However, once she finds her true love-to-be, she has problems being her own guardian angel. The French actress brightens the screen with her enchanting energy and touching nature in this original delight by Jean-Pierre Jeunet. --Hernon
BANDITS. Two middle-aged men go on a bank-robbing spree with the aid of a beautiful, bored housewife. But wait: They both fall in love with her! In spite of its tried and true (i.e. trite and hackneyed) storyline, Bandits manages to be deeply funny for about half an hour. Then it gets really into being trite and hackneyed for a while, then goes back for the kind of explosive entertainment that we in America love so much. Bruce Willis is charming in a most unusual role: He plays a middle-aged man who's still thought of as sexy. A Hollywood first! Billy Bob Thornton hams it up a bit too much as Willis's hypochondriac partner in crime, and Cate Blanchett is gorgeous, if a bit bland, as their mutual girlfriend. A subplot involving relative newcomer Troy Garrity as the getaway car driver livens things up, and the ending is not to be missed. The middle is, but that's hard to manage, so you may just have to sit through the whole thing. --DiGiovanna
A BEAUTIFUL MIND. Disproving over 150 years of economic theory, determining advanced algorithms among a cluster of pigeons, teaching at MIT, marrying a student, working as a code breaker for a covert government outfit to thwart Russian nuclear capabilities, receiving insulin shock treatments in a state psychiatric ward and winning the Nobel Prize are some of the achievements of a lonely genius who only wanted to create one original idea and lose his virginity. Russell Crowe ages 47 years on screen to play genius John Nash with depth, charisma and humanity. He?s joined by a stellar cast and crew to create a multilayered gem that touches the heart, mind, body and soul. --Hernon
BEHIND ENEMY LINES. Gene Hackman and Owen Wilson star, but never mind; not even Hackman can do a thing with this un-fun compendium of random manly action-movie clichés. Wilson plays a Navy flier shot down over Bosnia who sees something he shouldn't and then has to run and run and run from rotten scowling genocidal guys. And he keeps littering, which helps them. However, bullets cannot touch him and he always shoots true, so he survives against all odds to make his admiral (that would be Hackman) proud, but not before Hackman also does the right thing, ruining his career, because those NATO nancy-boys won't step up to the plate and save our boy. It just goes on like that, and half an hour in you realize the filmmakers think we're all idiots. We do get to see some really nice weathered granite exposures in Slovakia, however, and very beautiful footage of trees. --Downing
CORKY ROMANO. Chris Kattan twitches, quivers and spasms through this stupidly intricate tale of a 1980s-music-loving veterinarian in training who goes undercover as an FBI super agent named Pissant (cue laughter!) in order to destroy evidence against his estranged Mafia family. If you find ass-kicking dwarves, closeted homosexuality and testicular abuse funny, then Corky Romano should be a laugh riot, but those with a functioning gag reflex should stay away. It's not all torture, though; the film does boast the funniest FBI agent-doing-loads-of-cocaine-in-front-of-an-audience-of-kindergartners scene in several months. --Caruth
DOMESTIC DISTURBANCE. Fifty bucks says that the entire cast and crew were just going through the motions with this one. From a clueless police department to a jaundiced-looking Steve Buscemi and a newlywed couple with no spark, this film is more of an embarrassment than it is a suspenseful thriller. A cutesy Teri Polo divorces a sweet, loving and all-around great guy (John Travolta) to tie the knot with a two-faced killer under an assumed name (Vince Vaughn). When her delinquent son claims that he witnessed the new hubbie murder a chain-smoking out-of-towner, no one believes him but dutiful dad. Thus, the faithful father starts a quest to save little Danny Boy by playing Sherlock Holmes without police help, since apparently the cops haven't heard about background checks and logical thinking. This grade-school-quality drivel offers no character development, no intellectual reasoning and no convincing representations, though I can say one good thing about it all: It just made me an easy 50 bucks. --Hernon
FROM HELL. During the fall of 1888 in London's Whitechapel district of crime, poverty and prostitution, six unsuspecting hookers were tempted with grapes and wine only to be chauffeured to disembowelment and methodical butchery by the notorious Jack the Ripper. Since then many have speculated upon murderer's identity and the motives behind his barbaric ritual killings. Now the Hughes brothers stray from their typical inner-city dramas to unleash another theory, a possible conspiracy of elaborate detail. To piece together the convoluted plot of a cult acting on behalf of the royal family's relentless desire for revenge is a telepathic inspector hooked on an absinthe and opium cocktail, played perfectly by the always impressive Johnny Depp. To accentuate his remarkable performance is an elite supporting cast, led by Ian Holm and Heather Graham, and stunning, atmospheric cinematography to complete this riveting psychological thriller. --Hernon
GOSFORD PARK. Robert Altman is probably the most inconsistent filmmaker in Hollywood, having made several of the best and worst American films of the 20th century. With Gosford Park he manages to rein in his love of violence, sexism and violent sexism to produce what is perhaps the finest indictment of the English class system in cinematic history. Multiple storylines interweave during a weekend outing at an English country manor, with the servants downstairs and the lords and ladies upstairs crossing paths to gossip, berate and procreate. At some point someone is murdered, and several of the ladies' dresses need laundering. Whatever shall be done? Stop by your local cinny to find out, and enjoy the performances of Michael Gambon, Kristin Scott Thomas, Maggie Smith, Richard E. Grant, Stephen Fry, Alan Bates, Helen Mirren, Derek Jacobi, Emily Watson and, well, just about every British actor who wasn't off playing a hobbit or wizard last year. --DiGiovanna
HARDBALL. Two down, bottom of the ninth, bases loaded, and for a relief pitcher they send in writer John Gatins to retire the side. Bad move. Keanu Reeves stars as a compulsive gambler deep in debt who is reluctantly hired to coach Little League baseball to a bunch of trash-talking, delinquent inner-city kids. But after an eye-opening crash course in Crime 101 and an added incentive of romance with an innocent schoolteacher (Diane Lane), the makeshift coach cares less about the money and more about being a role model for the neglected youths raised around crack houses and gang bangers. This adaptation of Daniel Coyle's novel lacks the creativity and character development needed for this drama to win the game; however, the charismatic kids and the film's inspiring intentions enable it to squeeze by with a tie. --Hernon
HARRY POTTER AND THE SORCERER'S STONE. Gorgeous production design, lovely cinematography, a mega-Brit all-star cast, fine young actors and the hopes and prayers of millions couldn't save this over-stuffed, too-long and quite unnecessary adaptation of the hugely popular crossover kids' book. Director Chris Columbus (Home Alone, Mrs. Doubtfire, Nine Months) brings his bullying "Hey, look, Ma!" touch to Hogwarts, and doesn't even try to resist throwing in every special effect once done better by a more original director. (The ham-fisted John Williams soundtrack doesn't help.) Still, the film can only accelerate the juggernaut of youthful literary appreciation J.K. Rowling's ideally addictive novels have started rolling. Save your money to buy the next Potter in hardback; after you scarf it you can rent it to your friends. --Downing
HEIST. We interrupt this broadcast to bring you breaking news. Unconfirmed sources reveal that not only was a heist committed onscreen, but one was committed off-screen as well. What has become known is that an over-the-hill thief and his burgling brigade are working for a trash-talking short-stack on a Swiss job to boost a secured stash of gold bars. Evidence to support such testimony is the recent film by writer/director David Mamet. However, it has just come to our attention that another crime caper occurred behind the scenes months before: The script to this very film was stolen. The convoluted plot, the unconvincing performances and choppy dialogue of the film in question suggest that it was thrown together from memory due to an allegedly missing original script. --Hernon
HOW HIGH. After seeing this flick I had to run out and call the Academy of Motion Picture Arts and Sciences to make sure it was nominated in the categories of Best Film Made By People Who Were No Doubt Completely Stoned During Filming, and Best Performance By An Actor Whose Last Name Is Apparently "Man." Method Man and Redman star as two really stoned guys who somehow conned a film distributor into sending this unfinished collection of sight gags to theaters around the country ? I mean as two guys who get into Harvard because they smoke the ashes of their dead friend. Seriously. They use him as fertilizer and grow pot and smoke it and it makes them smart enough to get into Harvard. And that's the least implausible part of the script. Although, actually, it's almost worth seeing just to check out how poorly edited a film a can be. --DiGiovanna
IMPOSTOR. Director Gary Fleder: the man, the myth, the legend. The master of creativity. The guru of ingenuity. His latest film reaches epic proportions and marks a new era. It is an incomparable masterpiece destined to surpass all before it and live on for generations to come as the cornerstone of American Cinema. I'm talking technologically savvy intergalactic war plots incorporating ultra-imaginative electromagnetic devices designed to thwart enemy infiltration, and a never-before-seen cat-and-mouse chase between a hard-nosed special agent and an alleged genetically superior robot programmed to kill. Move over, 2001: A Space Odyssey. Look out, Star Wars, Episode II. The ultimate sci-fi movie has arrived at last. (Do I need to work on my sarcasm, or was it obvious from the start?) --Hernon
IN THE BEDROOM. Tom Wilkinson and Sissy Spacek star as an older couple dealing with the most unpleasant of empty nests in this overly long, but often excellent, film. Too much time is wasted in the middle third, and the final section is full of Hollywood clichés, but on the whole In the Bedroom is a successful exploration of a relationship rocked by external events. Nick Stahl plays their son, and Marisa Tomei gives a surprisingly strong performance as a young mother whose abusive, estranged husband is making her life less than pleasant. The real star of the film may be the Maine landscape and lensman Antonio Calvache's almost painfully beautiful cinematography. While In the Bedroom drags quite heavily in the middle, the camerawork and acting largely, if not entirely, make up for it. --DiGiovanna
JIMMY NEUTRON. Deep within his top secret chambers secured by DNA-match entry codes are an ultra-sensitive alien transmission device, a highly dangerous shrink ray gun, and a personalized rocket ship, all of which he invents to pass the time. This extremely advanced technological wizard is Jimmy Neutron, the pint-sized grade-school boy with a pompadour. When all parents are abducted by aliens and held captive by the minions of Poultra, God of Wrath, the children turn to the boy genius to lead them in their intergalactic rescue mission on amusement-park spaceships. This completely implausible full-length Nickelodeon cartoon by writer/director John A. Davis is based on a 1995 animated short. Although it lacks the wit and reality needed to please a crowd over four feet tall, it does have a kid-like charm with fun and fast-paced creativity for the dreamy-eyed first grader. --Hernon
JOE SOMEBODY. Picking a fight is OK as long as you are trained by a cynical beer-guzzling sensei and become a tone-deaf karaoke king and an uncoordinated squash partner as a result. And always remember to pretend to be someone you are not in order to impress your pseudo friends by telling lies and using Noxema as hair gel. These are the lessons that a spineless middle-aged loser teaches his 12-year-old daughter as he regresses to the pitiful schoolboy immaturity of challenging a beef-headed bully to a duel in this cinematic garbage that amazingly managed to sneak a release date in the midst of peak Oscar time. If writer John Scott Shepherd's pathetic script does not thwart your interests as it should, be warned of Tim Allen's cookie-cutter so-called acting, the unconvincing love interest of a closeted smoker/wellness guru and Greg Germann's recycled Ally McBeal character with perverted Fishisms and all. --Hernon
K-PAX. He traveled to Earth faster than the speed of light to study life in its early stages of evolution. Or did he? He can see ultraviolet light. Or can he? He writes in hieroglyphics. Or does he? He is a knocker at a slaughterhouse in a remote New Mexico town. Or is he? He witnessed the horrific murder of his wife and daughter. Or did he? Prot (Kevin Spacey) is a 337-year old alien from the planet K-PAX, which lies 1,000 light years away in the constellation Lyra with its seven purple moons and two suns. Or is he a savant suffering from extreme delusions that were caused by a traumatic past? Director Iain Softley explores the loaded issues of faith versus science and reality versus apparition in this highly crafted adaptation of Gene Brewer's novel. It will stir a thought-provoking discussion during the car ride home. --Hernon
KATE AND LEOPOLD. Audiences are stuck with yet another lame and predictable fish-out-of-water flick as a nameless, faceless aspiring Nobel Prize winner (Liev Schreiber) travels through the windows of time and returns from 1876 with the overly refined Duke of Albany (Hugh Jackman). Of course, this dignitary now must fumble his way through today's technological advances of telephones, toaster ovens and tater tots until he stumbles upon the inevitable love interest. The always-adorable Meg Ryan plays the single suitor who, to no surprise, is swept off her corporate feet by the Duke's stuffed-shirt ways just before he must return to the 19th century. The film's finale does not stray from the unshocking format, either, but the messages about fate, values and love's boundless powers as well as the actors' attention-getting performances manage to raise this film's status from failure to adequate popcorn flick. --Hernon
THE LAST CASTLE. Mr. Sundance and Tony Soprano face off in a destructive chess game for control of the military's big house in director Rod Lurie's latest film. Not seen in front of the camera since 1998's Horse Whisperer, Robert Redford removes his director's hat to star as a highly decorated officer who is court-martialed for disobeying an executive order, thus stripped of his distinguished title and sentenced to 10 years in jail. James Gandolfini co-stars as Colonel Winter, a crooked warden who oversees the unlawful treatment of the prisoners from his safe Shangri-La of classical music and lemonade. The former general acts like Jane Goodall conducting an anthropological study until the blatant cruelties cause him to lead the slammer's bookie (Mark Rufalo), a simple-minded brown-noser (Clifton Colins Jr.) and their fellow inmates into a strategic retaliation using slingshots, catapults and makeshift shields. The first two acts tend to meander, but the final intense battle in the third is a big enough payoff to be worth the wait. --Hernon
LIFE AS A HOUSE. Director Irwin Winkler's sappy melodrama piles on gobs of emotional schmaltz as an alienated father unites his dysfunctional family through long-winded predictability. Kevin Kline stars as a jaded architect with a terminal illness who decides to follow the "life is short" motto and save his troubled son (Hayden Christensen) from fully going over to the Dark Side. He also tries to rekindle an old flame with his disapproving ex-wife (Kristen Scott Thomas), and gain acceptance from the condemning community while he is at it. The metaphor of building a house is the attempt at originality that writer Mark Andrus uses to make this magical ball of happiness come together, but all that rises is a monotonous and easily forgettable film. --Hernon
LORD OF THE RINGS. I imagine that this is a fairly successful translation of J.R.R. Tolkein's work to the big screen, insofar as it's precious, pretentious and full of annoying lines like "Rest now, for you are weary from sorrow and toil." Also, every 20 minutes the band of adventurers is in deadly peril with no hope of escape, and lo and behold yet another Deus pops out of yet another machina and saves the day. On the other hand, the Howard Shore soundtrack is really atrocious ? imagine John Williams, then multiply him by John Williams, and you get the idea. Plus, the ever grating Enya wrote some original songs. And the hobbits, well, they?re supposed to be small, so every time they stand next to a full-size person, they?re either replaced by child actors, or oddly foreshortened by camera tricks, or just computer animated, and the transitions are not smooth. The sets are gorgeous, though, and I think if you had never seen a movie before you'd find this one dazzling. My advice: Bring the kids, bask in their wonder, and then leave about halfway through when they start to get bored and cranky. (By the way, I am a complete churl and pretty much everyone besides me loved this movie.) --DiGiovanna
THE MAJESTIC. A changed man issues a call to freedom in Frank Darabont's passionate film honoring fallen heroes, patriotism and the American cinema with magical nostalgia and reverence. Jim Carrey plays a blacklisted screenwriter accused of poisonous Marxist propaganda during the 1950s Red Scare. He suffers temporary amnesia after an alcohol-induced car accident that leaves him washed along the shores of a quaint town, where he is mistaken for a decorated war hero declared missing in action nine years before. The innocent imposter warms the locals' hearts while Los Angeles bigwigs continue their witch hunt for the assumed Communist, up until an inspiring Frank Capra-style speech delivered by Carrey with Jimmy Stewart caliber. The Majestic truly lives up to its title. --Hernon
THE MAN WHO WASN'T THERE. If you're the kind of mug who falls for some frail only to find she's playing you for a patsy, and so you stick a shiv in her romeo and put the big frame-up on your dame, well, this is the flick for you. It's got every noir cliché, and it's shot with shadows so sharp and beautiful you're likely to cut your eyes looking at them. Billy Bob Thornton is surprisingly apt as Ed Crane, a barber who dreams of becoming a dry cleaner. Scarlett Johansson is hot as ice playing the girl he chastely loves, and Tony Shalhoub turns in his usual perfect performance as a lawyer whose defense strategy is to cite the Heisenberg uncertainty principle: "The more you look, the less you know." Definitely a must-see for fans of the genre, Man Who Wasn't There is not the Coen brothers' best film, but it's got enough Fritz Lang-style lighting and James M. Cain-style plot twists to make most noir-heads happy. Well, as happy as a noir-head gets. --DiGiovanna
MAX KEEBLE'S BIG MOVE. Hey, kids, wouldn't you just love to live in a world where there were no consequences so you could get back at your beef-headed bullies, wreak havoc in school and instantly become Mr. Popularity of the 7th grade? Well, after learning that he is moving to Chicago in a week, pint-sized dweeb Max Keeble (Alex D. Linz) does just that when he kicks vengeance into high gear with an Animal House food fight, pheromone-spiked breath spray and a demonic frog mascot. Now the former underdog is the Ethan Hunt of the paper route and the big man on campus with a buxom blonde at his shoulder and the A-crowd answering to him--that is, until his moving plans are canceled. This Disney flick is not meant to be an Oscar-worthy revelation of epic proportions, but simply the light-hearted entertaining getaway that it is. --Hernon
MONSTERS, INC. Name: James P. Sullivan. Year: 2001. Place: Monstropolis. Mission: To collect the screams of as many children as possible in order to stock the city?s power source without coming in contact with a toxic-to-the-touch toddler. The entire monster population is relying on this blue-haired, two-horned dinosaur and his sidekick, a bipedal talking eyeball, to alleviate the scream shortage and rejuvenate the suffering city. Pixar's Academy Award-winning computer-animation studios open up a whole new world of vindictive chameleons, Jabba-the-Hut paperwork Nazis and over-zealous child detection agents who are on high alert to secure the area from a fatal code 23-19. Will the furry fiend succeed? Will the nemesis get away with his evil plot? Or will the unthinkable occur and revolutionize life as we know it? Turn to your local movie theaters to find out what really goes on behind your closet doors, or at least to see the trailer for Star Wars Episode II: Attack of the Clones. --Hernon
NOT ANOTHER TEEN MOVIE. Mel Brooks did it first. Jerry Zucker was next, while Jim Abrahams and the Wayans Brothers were soon to follow. What did these directors do?these masters of the big screen?these heroes? They parodied. They satired. They even spoofed. It is true. The Western genre, the police detective premise, sci-fi flicks and horror movies have been mocked and mutilated by these great men. Now it is time for the overused, oversexed, oversimplified, geek-to-sleek prom makeover and ditsy cheerleader-filled teen films to be poked and prodded. However, novice director Joel Gallen, whose sole claim to fame was being executive producer of the unfunny flop Zoolander, did not rise to the occasion. Sure, there are clever references to Grease, Pretty in Pink and American Beauty as a naked foreign exchange student named Areola, a drunken trailer-trash father and teen stereotypes mock their own conventions. But overall, the film feels scattered. --Hernon
NOVOCAINE. Oh what a tangled web we weave when first we are seduced by a drug-seeking junkie, then burdened by a no-good strung-out brother, smothered by an obsessive-compulsive, wound-up June Cleaver and threatened by an incestuous drug dealer. Steve Martin stars as your run-of-the-mill neighborhood dentist who quickly falls victim to a snowball effect of mayhem leaving him wanted for murder and running from the cops, the DEA and a dedicated actor doing research for his next film. Writer/director David Atkins creates this clever spoof of film noir with an ode-to-Hitchcock twist and a retro voice-over narration that keeps you entertained and laughing, but leaves you wary of your next visit to the dentist's office. --Hernon
OCEAN'S 11. Mayday, mayday: We're a hit! I repeat: We are a hit! Oscar's latest golden boy has taken over the helm; People Magazine's multi-million-dollar cover crew has replaced the Rat Pack and witty, wry dialogue has infiltrated our basic caper framework, which has sustained us for over 40 years, Sir. Do you copy? Affirmative, Commander, but it's like they say, with the right cast and crew, anything is possible. Over. In this remake of a 1960 dud, director Steven Soderbergh leads Hollywood's A-listed actors with virtuosity and vibrant speed. George Clooney plays Frank Sinatra's old role of Danny Ocean, the cool ex-con with a devious plan to knock over several major Vegas casinos. Brad Pitt, Julia Roberts and Matt Damon are just a few more names added to this 2001 version, along with intellectual plot twists involving hidden agendas, high-tech wizardry and subtle humor, which the original film desperately needed and this update now delivers. --Hernon
THE ONE. What do quantum tunneling through parallel universes, cheesy Schwarzenegger one-liners and a power-crazed doppelgänger have in common? Actually that's a trick question, since writer/director James Wong piles these nonsensical elements into a mish-mash martial arts movie and cannot even provide the answer himself. Instead he has Jet Li travel around through 124 parallel universes killing off his other 123 selves with comically fake video game-like super strength to the beat of a head-banging industrial soundtrack in order to collect the energy of the slain, thus becoming an invisible god, or something. This all seems to make more sense to the film's other characters as they attempt to stop the narcissistic villain with Saturday morning cartoon sci-fi gadgets and moronic dialogue. So, to make a long, convoluted film review short, The One is not the one for you see. --Hernon
RIDING IN CARS WITH BOYS. In her published memoir now brought to the big screen, Beverly Donofrio outlines her troubled life as if a male conspiracy had set out to crush her aspirations of graduating high school, attending college and achieving the American Dream as a writer. Instead of accepting that boys will be boys, the embittered housewife endures the taxing men in her life yet blames them for her hardships. Drew Barrymore plays the woman of the hour with a Springsteen clenched jaw while Steve Zahn gives an impressive supporting performance as the heroin-addicted husband with no future. Zahn breaks away from his typecast comic-relief characters in this emotional roller coaster by director Penny Marshall that reminds passengers to buckle up through life's bumpy ride --Hernon
ROCKY HORROR PICTURE SHOW. Become a creature of the night by taking a time warp back to 1975 to get pummeled by toilet paper and toast as you watch the seemingly sinless Susan Sarandon and Barry Bostwick, with Tim Curry prancing around wearing Victoria's Secret, in this ultimate cult classic. Naïve newlyweds (Sarandon and Bostwick) are stranded in a cesspool of sex and sin, an ominous castle owned by a lurid transvestite (Curry) who toils at creating a blonde sex slave with a chiseled chest while corrupting the no-longer virtuous couple over a Hannibal Lecter-style meatloaf dinner. But don't just sit back and relax through this exotic erotica; join in with the audience to mock the neckless narrator, to simulate rain with a squirt gun, and to sing along to the titillating tunes in this ultra original musical. --Hernon
THE ROYAL TENENBAUMS. One of the most visually exacting films ever made, The Royal Tenenbaums tells the story of a family of faded childhood prodigies through their odd effects. A room full of naïve paintings of a grade-school crush, a flaming pink hallway, a 9-year-old girl in a giraffe suit, complete with fake bullet wounds, and also some kinda strange stuff make up the optical complement to one of the best soundtracks in recent memory. If you enjoyed director Wes Anderson's Rushmore you'll no doubt love Royal Tenenbaums. If you didn't like Rushmore I have nothing further to say to you, and you might as well go back to your day job of picking nominees for the Academy Awards. --DiGiovanna
SERENDIPITY. John Cusack stars as a ringleader for reason until he plays tug of war over black cashmere gloves with his soul mate (Kate Beckinsale). While waiting to see if the star-crossed lovers are meant to be, a selfish musician (John Corbett) with the power to put Vikings into mystic submission, a hyperactive New Age guru (Molly Shannon) and an obituary columnist (Jeremy Pivens) stall the much-anticipated, heart-rending serendipity. Though rookie writer Marc Klein presents overly contrived scenarios, this charming love story still is a lucky discovery for the hopeless romantic in all of us. --Hernon
SHALLOW HAL. Welcome, class, to Inner Beauty 101. Today's guest lecturers are the notorious writing/directing duo, the Farrelly Brothers. Good morning, children. You see, regardless of what guys look and act like, they only date calorie-counting, brainless beauties with silicone-enhanced breasts, which means that all of you smart and funny fatsos should lose your relationship fantasies and go volunteer for the Peace Corps where you belong. Now, take our friend, Hal, for example. He is a superficial potato with limbs and Elvis sideburns who always chooses the gorgeous over the grotesque; that is, until a brawny self-help guru hypnotizes him to see the personality before the appearance. Therefore, all of you love-obsessed losers should find someone under a deep hypnotic spell, since the Peace Corps won't even accept your buck-tooth pimple face because inner beauty is a bunch of garbage. And that concludes Inner Beauty 101. --Hernon
THE SHIPPING NEWS. E. Annie Proulx?s popular novel is adapted for the screen by director Lasse Hallstrom (Cider House Rules) with mixed results. Though it's beautiful to look at, Kevin Spacey blows the lead role by adopting Haley Joel Osment's acting style. Hey, it's cute when you?re a 10-year-old, but it just doesn't play on a homely 47-year-old man. Spacey plays Quoyle, a man haunted by the childhood memory of his father throwing him in a lake. Somehow, he winds up becoming the star reporter at a small newspaper in Newfoundland, where he finds love and family and other good-feeling type stuff. If you like pretty, emotionally manipulative movies, and are willing to sit through a long one, then you might find The Shipping News a refreshing break from the holiday TV specials. It?s marginally more profound than Rudolf Fights Tooth Decay, but not quite as philosophically rewarding as Baby Jesus Versus The Santa-Bots. --DiGiovanna
SPY GAME. Robert Redford plays a witty veteran CIA agent. Brad Pitt plays a rogue protégé captured by the Chinese government. Tony Scott directs the two through a covert rescue mission in complex flashbacks that span four time periods. Politics. Espionage. Deception. Intensity. Speed. Need I say more? --Hernon
TAPE. Director Richard Linklater (Slacker, Waking Life) has done the impossible: he?s gotten good performances out of Ethan Hawke and Uma Thurman. On top of that, he did it in a film that?s intense and gripping in spite of being filmed entirely in a single motel room. And he did it all on ugly digital video, and edited the whole thing on a Macintosh. Tape tells the story of an uncomfortable reunion between three high school chums, if "chums" means "people who hate each other?s guts." And I think we all know that it does. Rated ?R? for language, drug content, and the fact that this is an intelligent, adult film with no wizards, elves or Clooneys in it. --DiGiovanna
TORTILLA SOUP. Big Night cooked up tasty Italian treats, Soul Food fired up good Southern home cooking, and now director Maria Ripoll's remake of Ang Lee's Eat Drink Man Woman stirs up savory Mexican meals with a mouth-watering medley of mayhem, marriage and marjoram. Hector Elizondo stars as a widowed restaurateur who is losing his senses, literally, since he can no longer taste or smell. Nonetheless, the gourmet chef pulls out all the stops when preparing delectable Sunday-night feasts for his three grown daughters: an entrepreneur with dad's cooking talents, a shy science teacher with her own little schoolgirl crush, and a free-spirited misguided rebel, all of whom deliver life-altering news as their own contribution to their traditional family dinner. Though the final serving tastes like a stale after-dinner mint coated in a contrived Hollywood happy ending, the appetizers and the main course combine a wholesome blend of laughter, warmth and even a revival of Chiquita Banana. --Hernon
TRAINING DAY. This really is non-stop fun, especially if your idea of fun is watching Ethan Hawke smoke PCP. Denzel Washington plays an evil police officer who trains young Hawke in the ways of corruption, murder and getting one's freak on. Hawke doesn't entirely appreciate this, which leads to the kind of explosive finale that can best be described as "far-fetched." Still, up until the very Hollywood ending, this movie is intense in a way that allows for suspension of disbelief, and Washington's over-the-top acting is incredibly fun to watch. All in all, probably the best advertisement for the LAPD since the Rodney King tapes. --DiGiovanna
VANILLA SKY. Although after Magnolia we should no longer be surprised that Tom Cruise can act, it's still a surprise. He turns in a decent performance in Vanilla Sky, though the real stars are the gorgeous, highly saturated cinematography and Penelope Cruz's twitchy and occasionally naked performance as Cruise's love interest. The story is a multi-layered mystery, a series of dreams-within-dreams that might frustrate the short-attention-span masses who like things explained immediately. Don't worry; everything is cleared up in the end, and like Cruise's body, the middle sections are just as fabulous, and worth working your way through. --DiGiovanna
ZOOLANDER. It may be just the right time for a high-speed, dopey comedy about secret agent male supermodels and the reporters who love them. If so, we couldn't have done better than Zoolander, which manages to be stupid in a really smart way. Ben Stiller plays the title role, a male model who thinks there must be more to life than just being "really, really, really good looking." His rival is played by the always charming Owen Wilson (screenwriter on Rushmore and Bottle Rocket), and the two go head to head in that most dangerous of male-modeling duels, the runway walkoff. Of course, when dire forces conspire to use fashion as a tool for evil, Wilson and Stiller must join ranks, their perfectly chiseled features cutting a swath of painful beauty through the worlds of badness and limp hair. No, really, this is funny. --DiGiovanna
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