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Film Clips
Reviews by Ian Caruth, James DiGiovanna, Linsay Hernon and Curtis McCrary.
AMERICAN OUTLAWS. Apparently we've been wrong all this time in thinking that the notorious Jesse James was not a womanizing, hell-raising bank robber. He was actually a kind-hearted Robin Hood of the Old West heroically breaking the law for the good of the little people. Therefore, I personally would like to thank director Les Mayfield for setting the record straight. But, on second thought, can a director with a history of cinematic flops such as Encino Man and Flubber be trusted with this insult to classic Westerns, with its amateur stunts, melodramatic mush of cheesy teenage-like romancing, ridiculous macho-man hostility and fake sets? I think not. American Outlaws should be outlawed in America. --Hernon
BUBBLE BOY. Decked out in a bubble suit with retractable rubber arms, a naïve romantic with immune deficiency journeys cross-country to stop his true love from marrying Mr. Wrong in this unnecessary and insulting remake of John Travolta's touching 1976 drama The Boy in the Plastic Bubble. Jake Gyllenhaal stars as the innocent optimist who sports a never-ending smile despite being raised by an extremely overprotective June Cleaver (Swoosie Kurtz) with twisted morals, fiber-loving psychosis and unique patriotic practices. On his way to Niagara Falls, the sheltered youth encounters a cow-worshipping ice-cream truck driver, a knife-wielding biker and an overzealous cult on helium with Fabio playing their brainwashing leader. Despite this perfectly cast cameo, director Blair Hayes' dream-crushing film displaying a cruel world of evil mothers and exaggerated prejudices made me cringe. --Hernon
CAPTAIN CORELLI'S MANDOLIN. Love crosses enemy lines as a simple Greek woman falls for an eccentric Italian captain during the climax of World War II in John Madden's bittersweet treatment of Louis de Bernieres' 1994 novel. Pelagia (Penelope Cruz) lives in a small provincial island town in Greece where her days are filled with such innocent pleasures as following her father's footsteps into the medical field and celebrating her engagement to a local fisherman (Christian Bale). However, once notorious world leaders wreak havoc, Pelagia's sheltered lifestyle is flipped upside-down as her fiancé leaves for the war with extreme patriotic gusto, war tanks and artillery flood the formerly peaceful town square, and a sworn nemesis (Nicholas Cage) with impressive charm and musical talents enters her home and heart. Despite this seventh-grade history lesson, the acclaimed director of Shakespeare in Love affectionately ponders the moralities of trust, friendship and love. --Hernon
THE CLOSET. Writer/director Francis Veber is probably best known for La Cage aux Folles, a film about a gay man who pretends to be straight for the sake of his son. In Le Placard Veber reverses the formula and gives us Daniel Auteil as a straight man who pretends to be gay so that his son will love him. Also, so he won't lose his job at the condom factory and so his ex-wife will find him interesting again and so people will stop thinking of him as little more than a human cogwheel. Of course, this being movie-land, it all works out swimmingly, and Auteil is able to say "pretending not to like women, I became a man." If all this sounds vaguely offensive, guess again. Le Placard manages to be both slaptstick-silly and intelligently sensitive about these issues. It's also one of the wittier films of recent memory, though it never rises to greatness. Still, it's probably the best straight-man-pretending-to-be-gay story since Barbara Bush moved out of the White House. --DiGiovanna
CURSE OF THE JADE SCORPION. A mascara-covered hypnotist wickedly controls two unknowing subjects with a swaying green insect for his own financial gain in Woody Allen's latest multi-leveled forum for comedic repartee and social commentary. Set in 1940 New York with comic-book props and a Vaudevillian soundtrack, the writer/director/actor remains in familiar territory by portraying a smarmy womanizing megalomaniac who shoots off endless sexist jibes with his nasal stutter while succeeding as the city's top insurance investigator. Bearing the brunt of the many chauvinistic guffaws by the top dick (no pun intended) is a multi-talented efficiency expert played by Helen Hunt. However, once the sparring co-workers fall victim to the curse of the jade scorpion, they each get a powerful sting that will help audience members survive the curse that is Woody Allen. --Hernon
THE DEEP END. Tilda Swinton is Tilda-tastic and Swintontacular as a middle-aged (but incredibly hot) mother trying to cover up a murder that she mistakenly thinks her son committed. Goran Visnjic is smoky and compelling as the man who's blackmailing her, and Greg Nuttgen's cinematography scores big points with rich, natural light and a sparse use of creepy noir effects. Directed by the team of Scott McGhee and David Siegel, who made the strikingly original and inventive (but ultimately flawed) Suture, The Deep End is a nearly perfect thriller, with just the right mix of plot, pacing and subtle music by first-time film composer Peter Nashel. Not to be missed by fans of the noir genre, fans of pigmentless red-haired beauties, or fans of the Lake Tahoe area, which stars as the Lake Tahoe area. --DiGiovanna
DON'T SAY A WORD. A successful psychiatrist gets his perfect world of Thanksgiving Day parades and crayon-colored rainbows turned upside down when his daughter is kidnapped by relentless thieves for a six-digit figure buried deep in the mind of a severely traumatized young woman. Michael Douglas plays the shrink who must race the clock and delve into the mental patient's pathology in order to retrieve the number that leads to a $10 million ruby. Mixed into this adaptation of Andrew Klavan's novel is a wife laid up with broken bones (Famke Janssen), a string of violent homicides, a botched bank robbery and a headstrong cop (Jennifer Esposito) who seems to be in a different movie altogether. Director Gary Fleder presents an aesthetically pleasing film with convincing performances, but his overly ambitious attempt to harmonize several compelling subplots into one comprehensive piece creates a traffic jam reminiscent of the intersection of Grant and Campbell during rush hour. --Hernon
THE FAST AND THE FURIOUS. The Loud and the Ludicrous would be a more fitting title for this summer blockbuster with a head-banging technotronic soundtrack over countless rocket-fueled adrenaline-pumping street races that would leave Danny Zuko in the dust. A James Van Der Beek lookalike with a similar bubblegum acting history (Paul Walker) plays an undercover cop who infiltrates the street racing subculture in order to bust the jewelry-heisting speed demons. Vin Diesel leads a pack of brainless thrill-seekers with his Incredible Hulk physique and macho my-engine-is-bigger-than-your-engine mentality, but stalls with his sentimental daddy issues. Though this gratuitous action flick closely mirrors other films in its genre, like Point Break, with its pretty-boy lead voicing a cocky Keanu surfer tone, it still provides enticing popcorn entertainment. --Hernon
THE GLASS HOUSE. Supposedly a movie about a 16-year-old girl who has to live with a creepy, rich couple after her parents are killed in a car crash, Glass House is really a movie about Leelee Sobieski's complexion. It doesn't matter if she's being attacked by a crazed killer, rolling a car off a cliff, or doped out on Demerol, she's always perfectly lit to give her that cover-girl glow. Oddly enough, a movie about someone's flawless face actually gets pretty boring after an hour or so. And by "or so" I mean "a minute." --DiGiovanna
GLITTER. Mariah Carey's trend-sniffing move to become the next singer-turned-actress results in an ultra-sappy semi-biography that is as superficial as its title. Its oversimplified, fairyland fast track to stardom plays like football highlights for the music industry. After being raised in juke joints and abandoned by her drunken, single mom, the grown pop diva's character settles as a Playboy bunny backup singer for a pathetic Milli Vanilli act until her leather-clad Prince Charming makes her an instant star, complete with her own super-savvy music video and a bushy-haired publicist locked in hyper drive. Be sure not to blink through this unrealistic musical utopia, since you will miss a cursory love story, non-existent character development and a hopeless quest for Mommy Dearest, all thrown together by an editor with a nervous tick. But who am I kidding? Blink, sleep for all I care, since director Vondie Curtis Hall's Glitter is just a pile of litter. --Hernon
GREENFINGERS. Murderers and thieves get rehabilitated by Mother Nature in this true story from writer/director Joel Hershman. Clive Owen stars as an unsociable inmate who gets transferred to the Club Med of prisons with its tea and biscuits and non-existent security system. The hard-nosed loner prefers scrubbing toilets to joining in Christmas parties wearing a festive paper hat. However, thanks to the persistence of a willy-nilly roommate (David Kelly) and a crop of miracle violets, the governor sets the reluctant convict and his fellow prisoners on a horticultural endeavor, allowing them to meet the prima donna flower guru, compete in the world-renowned Hampton Court Palace Flower Show and gain life-altering insight into desires, direction and daffodils. This inspirational comedy blossoms as the cream of the crop. --Hernon
HARDBALL. Two down, bottom of the ninth, bases loaded, and for a relief pitcher they send in writer John Gatins to retire the side. Bad move. Keanu Reeves stars as a compulsive gambler deep in debt who is reluctantly hired to coach Little League baseball to a bunch of trash-talking, delinquent inner-city kids. But after an eye-opening crash course in Crime 101 and an added incentive of romance with an innocent schoolteacher (Diane Lane), the makeshift coach cares less about the money and more about being a role model for the neglected youths raised around crack houses and gang bangers. This adaptation of Daniel Coyle's novel lacks the creativity and character development needed for this drama to win the game; however, the charismatic kids and the film's inspiring intentions enable it to squeeze by with a tie. --Hernon
HEARTS IN ATLANTIS. Scott Hicks proves that Stephen King is not all about blood-curdling gore of the undead in this inspiring adaptation that takes a sentimental photographer down memory lane to a time when bikes, bullies and bubblegum were the totality of his childhood until a mysterious tenant with arcane spells and an alluring aura moved in upstairs. Sir Anthony Hopkins remarkably portrays the mystical man who opens the boy's eyes to his parents' true characters as well as to his potential for love, courage, strength and even telepathy. Hearts in Atlantis will leave your heart in attention. --Hernon
HEDWIG AND THE ANGRY INCH. I know, you're thinking this is just another "boy meets penis, boy loses penis, boy becomes second-rate glam-rock star" film. Well, that's where you're wrong, because this is the best "boy meets penis, boy loses penis, boy becomes second-rate glam-rock star" film ever made. John Cameron Mitchell is so good in the lead that you'll actually believe a wig can cry. And the script is funnier than George W. Bush's college transcripts. I really can't say enough good things about this movie: Imagine the kind of film that Bob Fosse would have made if he were gay and were married to David Bowie and then someone cut off his penis and gave him some really nice lipstick. It's that kind of movie. You know, the best kind. --DiGiovanna
JAY & SILENT BOB STRIKE BACK. Known for such better movies as Clerks and Chasing Amy, writer/director/actor Kevin Smith inexplicably felt compelled to create this flagrantly offensive film starring Smith's two foul-mouthed signature characters, Jay and Silent Bob, who are notorious for their exceedingly sick and twisted X-rated pothead minds. As an excuse to capitalize on obscene humor and to win the blue ribbon for this summer's ultimate cinematic garbage, Smith developed an insipid plot deep beneath the barrage of vulgarities that has something to do with sabotaging Hollywood with the help of not-so angelic Charlie's Angels, the Scooby Doo gang, a runaway monkey and a no-longer celibate nun. Honestly, I did not hold out for the finale, since the countless oral sex references, tasteless bestiality philosophies and disrespectful treatment of women were enough to get me running to another movie in a galaxy far, far away. --Hernon
JEEPERS CREEPERS. Rest assured. The wait is over. The worst movie of 2001 is here. One far more asinine than Pootie Tang, more cliché-driven than Just Visiting and more pointless than Pokemon 3. It is none other than (drum roll, please) Jeepers Creepers, a pitiful excuse for a horror flick with its dimwitted bickering siblings who should have "curiosity killed the stupid" tattooed to their foreheads, a fully armed and deranged cat woman and a lame cannibalistic grim reaper rip-off that takes the old saying "you are what you eat" to a ridiculously new level. So, thank you, writer/director Victor Salva, since we moviegoers can proceed to theaters without caution now that the worst is behind us. --Hernon
THE MUSKETEER. On some distant cloud in French Heaven, Alexandre Dumas is crying. Easily one of the most excruciating movies of this awful, awful year, The Musketeer is soul-deadeningly bad, exactly as terrible as its high-concept premise--Hong Kong-style fight scenes intermixed with the standard musketeer story--could possibly be. Not only saddled with hammy overacting, hollow characters and some of the worst cringe-inducing puns this side of a Schwarzenegger flick, the fight scenes--the acrobatic, impressively-choreographed fight scenes, the film's whole raison d'être--are shot so ineptly as to be unwatchable. Which makes The Musketeer not just a bad movie, but a deeply, achingly sad bad movie. Stay away! --Caruth
ORIGINAL SIN. Successful coffee merchant Luis Vargas sends away for a kind-hearted, childbearing mail-order bride, but receives a lustful, money-grubbing con artist instead in this adaptation of Cornell Woolrich's erotic-thriller novel. Antonio Banderas plays the Cuban entrepreneur who quickly falls prey to the sex trap set by his conniving new wife. Angelina Jolie plays the imposter who repeatedly dupes her gullible husband with the help of her overbearing maniacal secret lover. Despite the compelling performances and the stunning costumes and set designs, Vargas' overwhelming naïveté, the nearly pornographic love scenes and the eccentric plot that borders convolution with its excessive twists and turns leave this film noir a definite cinematic sin, though one to enjoy. --Hernon
THE OTHERS. Tension rises on the screen, as I am sure it did off, as Tom Cruise's production company leads his ex-wife through this intense supernatural thriller. Nicole Kidman stars as a lonely housewife with Nurse Ratched-like rigidity caring for her two photosensitive children in a fog-covered secluded mansion while her husband is away fighting for Britain in World War II. After the servants mysteriously disappear, three reticent replacements arrive and relieve the increasingly maddening mother before revealing their own life-altering secret. Imposing an eerily slow pace with scene-stealing performances by the entire cast, writer-director Alejandro Amenabar instills heart-pounding anticipation in this haunting combination of The Shining and Flowers in the Attic with a powerful Sixth Sense-type of ending. --Hernon
RAT RACE. What do an airhead dressed like a streetwalking Liberace, a goofy narcoleptic, two bumbling brothers, Lucille Ball's chauffeur, Hitler's doppelgänger and the future Attorney General have in common? Well, only Jerry Zucker, the zany director responsible for such comedic classics as Airplane, could provide the answer. They are all lucky contestants in a no-holds-barred race to reach the $2 million prize that a wealthy casino owner and his gambling-obsessed cohorts created. Laugh through the many unexpected roadblocks--a wacky squirrel saleswoman, a sadistic chopper pilot, some World War II veterans--in order to grab the checkered flag with this refreshing comedy. It actually relies not on overused toilet humor, but on off-the-wall situations that will keep you wondering what else Zucker will pull out of his hat. --Hernon
ROCK STAR. In 1996, British heavy-metal dorks Judas Priest replaced lead singer Rob Halford with Tim "Ripper" Owens, the singer from an American Priest tribute band. Owens, an office-supply sales drone by day and rock-and-roll dreamer by night, actually got to live my--I mean, his--yearned-for fantasy lifestyle of music, powerful narcotics and an endless supply of skanky backstage rock chicks as the frontman of his favorite band. Sounds like it would make a pretty raunchy kick-ass movie, right? To director Steven Herek (Mr. Holland's Opus, for god's sake) it must have sounded like a perfect springboard for a clumsy, familiar story that unconvincingly reaffirms mainstream values as it rips the vitality out of the source material. Foregoing the verité of a metal-hostile mid-'90s setting, Rock Star takes place in the mid-1980s, with Mark Wahlberg as Owens' stand-in. The film follows a basic, predictable arc to an all-too-pat conclusion, declining the opportunity to examine the more interesting aspects of the story--at one point, Wahlberg's manager tells him that it's his working responsibility to live the decadence about which others only dream--in favor of fairly standard monogamous-love-is-the-answer crap. For hardcore bathos fans only. --Caruth
THE SCORE. A good heist movie this is. The man behind Yoda himself, Frank Oz, uses his Jedi ways behind the camera to direct two of the Godfathers, a priest in love and a rock 'n' roll diva in this crime caper with heavyweight actors and a traditional plot that works. A disheveled Marlon Brando plays Max, a bigwig of the black market who unites two safecracking masterminds to steal a 17th century royal scepter now heavily guarded in Montreal's Customs House. Although Nick (Robert DeNiro) has a legitimate jazz club to maintain and a neglected fiancée (Angela Bassett) to please, the longtime thief signs on for this one final payoff before retirement with the help of a loose cannon (Edward Norton) who poses as a mentally retarded janitor in order to case the target from the inside. Together the two use their 007 gizmos with the moves to match for an enticing thrill that scores, even though it plays by the book. --Hernon
SHREK. The team that created the 1998 film Antz brings us a witty computer-animated tall tale full of fanciful characters, poignant morals and sophisticated humor. When the ugly green ogre Shrek (Mike Myers) finds his swamp infiltrated by the likes of Tinkerbell, the Piped Piper and the Big Bad Wolf due to the banishment of all fairytale characters from the local kingdom (a remarkable model and pardoy of the Magic Kingdom) he becomes desperate for privacy. Shrek strikes a deal with the Lord Farquaad (John Lithgow) to rescue a forlorn princess trapped in a dragon-guarded castle in exchange for the reinstatement of his quiet life in the swamp. Accompanied by a pesky talking donkey (Eddie Murphy), the diverse duo sets out to bring the headstrong Princess Fiona (Cameron Diaz) back for the selfish short-stack lord to attempt to quell his severe short-man's complex. An unforgettable journey of computer animation that is certainly most entertaining for an adult viewer. --Hernon
SPY KIDS. Guns-and-gore writer/director Robert Rodriguez switches gears with this Crayola-colored conglomeration of James Bond and Pee Wee Herman. Fegan Floop, a demonic Willy Wonka of children's television, sips fluorescent green goop soup, creates new cartoon characters with Silly Putty, and organizes to take over the world with his dreaded thumb-thumb robots and an army of super-powered spy kids. Yet have no fear, because to the rescue come the charismatic children of international secret agents who have become POWs of the maniacal villain. Though the special effects and acting are of kindergarten quality, the imaginative display of futuristic gizmos and the crime-fighting kids are sure to boost any child's interest and confidence. --Hernon
SWORDFISH. Sure, there is the intimidating terrorist in Armani suits (John Travolta) playing Rambo in his sleek sports car with an overwhelming arsenal. There is also the scrubby-looking computer wiz (Hugh Jackman) playing Tiger Woods on the roof of his trashy trailer home, dreaming of saving his estranged daughter from the Porn King of L.A. after hacking into highly secured government funds. Plus, there's the tough-talking head honcho of the cyber criminal task force (Don Cheadle) playing Dirty Harry in the testosterone-filled slow-mo explosions. But what good are these characters without a clever script to guide them? Writer Skip Woods merely provides flashy computer lingo that is tangled in a ridiculous rationalization of a multi-billion dollar heist as being a noble crusade that protects the freedom of humanity, and that also gives Halle Berry a way to receive a substantial pay raise for her first onscreen exhibition of her seemingly augmented chest. The performances make a moderate catch, but the script should be thrown back to sea. --Hernon
TORTILLA SOUP. Big Night cooked up tasty Italian treats, Soul Food fired up good Southern home cooking, and now director Maria Ripoll's remake of Ang Lee's Eat Drink Man Woman stirs up savory Mexican meals with a mouth-watering medley of mayhem, marriage and marjoram. Hector Elizondo stars as a widowed restaurateur who is losing his senses, literally, since he can no longer taste or smell. Nonetheless, the gourmet chef pulls out all the stops when preparing delectable Sunday-night feasts for his three grown daughters: an entrepreneur with dad's cooking talents, a shy science teacher with her own little schoolgirl crush, and a free-spirited misguided rebel, all of whom deliver life-altering news as their own contribution to their traditional family dinner. Though the final serving tastes like a stale after-dinner mint coated in a contrived Hollywood happy ending, the appetizers and the main course combine a wholesome blend of laughter, warmth and even a revival of Chiquita Banana. --Hernon
ZOOLANDER. It may be just the right time for a high-speed, dopey comedy about secret agent male supermodels and the reporters who love them. If so, we couldn't have done better than Zoolander, which manages to be stupid in a really smart way. Ben Stiller plays the title role, a male model who thinks there must be more to life than just being "really, really, really good looking." His rival is played by the always charming Owen Wilson (screenwriter on Rushmore and Bottle Rocket), and the two go head to head in that most dangerous of male-modeling duels, the runway walkoff. Of course, when dire forces conspire to use fashion as a tool for evil, Wilson and Stiller must join ranks, their perfectly chiseled features cutting a swath of painful beauty through the worlds of badness and limp hair. No, really, this is funny. --DiGiovanna
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