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Film Clips
THE ASTRONAUT'S WIFE. Johnny Depp and Charlize Theron star as a couple who are so beautiful that one of them has to go to outer space and get taken over by a weird alien life form and then impregnate the other one to produce an otherworldly entity who threatens the very fabric of our society. In the sequel, the world's most beautiful space alien grows up and hatches a diabolical plot to become the world's most powerful supermodel. A chilling parable for our ecologically and aesthetically unsound era. -- DiGiovanna
BOWFINGER. This would be a great comedy if it only had funny parts. Instead, it has Stars and Ideas, which are important, but don't quite make a film. Steve Martin is Bowfinger, a fourth-rate director who wants action hero Kit Ramsey (Eddie Murphy) to be in his movie. Lacking the cash needed to hire Ramsey, Bowfinger comes up with a scheme worthy of Lucy Ricardo: he has actors run up to Ramsey in the street and say their lines while secretly filming the whole thing. A great idea, but poor execution, paper-thin characters and a lack of actual jokes make Bowfinger as limp as Bob Dole without his medication. -- DiGiovanna
CHILL FACTOR. Highly derivative and stupid, and yet fast-paced and entertaining. In this thriller, Skeet Ulrich and Cuba Gooding Jr. must keep a chemical weapon below 50 degrees Fahrenheit while being chased by bad guys who are both evil and villainous. Sort of a cross between Speed, Lethal Weapon and all those Roadrunner cartoons where the Coyote falls off cliffs and conspires with Libyan terrorists and has those cool Acme chemical weapons that can destroy the entire state of Montana. -- DiGiovanna
DEEP BLUE SEA. An extended version of the old Saturday Night Live "Landshark" routine, Deep Blue Sea features one of the longest explosions in cinematic history. The film tells the story of a beautiful research scientist whose lipstick is completely waterproof. Meanwhile, sharks want to eat her. It's kind of Alien meets Jaws with lots of unintentionally funny dialogue. Definitely worth watching when it comes to the cheap theaters, but unless you must see a movie about super-intelligent homicidal sharks this very minute, I'd save my $7.50 for something else. -- DiGiovanna
DETROIT ROCK CITY. Four teens try to get to a KISS concert in Ohio in 1979. Newcomers James DeBello, Sam Huntington and Giusseppe Andrews join teen veterans Edward Furlong and Natasha Lyonne in this surprisingly funny and well-rounded comedy. It hits squarely at its intended audience of 14-year-old rock fans who live in the American suburbs in 1979, but sadly the laws of physics make it impossible for them to see this film. If you used to be one of them, or have one living in your head, check out DRC and find out if you can resurrect the piece of you that owned the Glass Head Bong and wore a black concert T-shirt until it was as ragged as your dreams of rock stardom. -- DiGiovanna
DUDLEY DO-RIGHT. In real life, the Canadian Mounted Police are a scary, ATF-like government agency. In Dudley Do-Right, they're represented by dopey, happy do-gooder Dudley, who must conquer the likes of master-villain Snidely Whiplash while saving the ever-imperiled Nell Fenwick. Starring dopey, happy, do-gooder Brendan Fraser, master thespian Alfred Molina, and the ever-shapely Sarah Jessica Parker. -- DiGiovanna
ILLUMINATA. John Turturro directs himself as Tuccio, a bastardly playwright involved with Rachel (Katherine Borowitz), who heads a theatre troupe of misfits, sluts and clowns. Cinematographer Harris Savides paints a magnificent backdrop for the movie's shenanigans, and there's some above-average supporting roles from Christopher Walken as a decrepit gay critic, Susan Sarandon as a vainglorious actress, and Ben Gazzara as Rachel's addled father. Despite its virtues, the plot is too scattered, rarely allowing us to understand the characters or their actions; and like the theatre folk it portrays, it can be pretentious and annoying at times. It also suffers from the mannered acting and precious dialogue that hamstring a lot of plays adapted to the screen. Illuminata definitely has a certain quirky charm, but the main reason I'd recommend it is for the amazingly wicked puppetry in the opening credits. -- Petix
THE IRON GIANT. I was devastated to learn that this film was tanking at the box office. Listen up, people: an animated film doesn't have to have the Disney trademark attached to it to be worth watching. In fact, the mouse ears are closer to one of those biohazard signs than to a welcome mat. Iron Giant is not only a great animated film, it's one of the year's best movies. Based on a short story by former Poet Laureate of England Ted Hughes, its pedigree ranks high; and it pays off in extremely well-motivated characters and a moving story that has left those few who saw it teary-eyed. If it helps to bring you in, you should know that it's got lots of politically correct themes, like that McCarthyism was bad and that you shouldn't blow up sensitive robots from space because they might want to be your friend. -- DiGiovanna
THE KING OF MASKS. Hong Kong director Wu Tianming deftly paints a simple yet moving picture of Wang (Zhu Xu), an elderly street performer who must find a male heir to carry on his mastery of a unique artform involving the rapid-fire changing of brilliantly colored masks. Things get messy when the little boy he finally adopts, "Doggy," turns out to be a girl (the adorable Zhou Ren-Ying, who makes the Olsen twins look like puke). I'm usually diabetic when it comes to sugary stuff like this, but Doggy's gutsy struggle to prove her worth to the old man (and to a culture that considers female children worthless) could pull a smile from the lips of Chiang Kai-Shek. The movie's visuals are as sweet as the plot, dishing out candy-colored images of surreal Hindu operas, monolithic religious icons carved from an entire cliff face, and the King of Masks practicing his astounding craft. It's a luxurious, satisfying film; I wanted to see it again a couple of hours later. -- Petix
LOVERS OF THE ARCTIC CIRCLE. Intrepid adventurers battle their way to the North Pole, good men are lost amidst the rumbling icebergs, and one by one the dogs are eaten as the men cling to life--? Not quite. In this arctic adventure, two foxy Spaniards struggle with love, family and extraordinary coincidences. Writer-director Julio Medem has crafted a thoroughly moving film that explores the lifelong love affair between Ana and Otto who, like Medem, share that special bond of the palindromatically named. The film is structured around a series of flashbacks as we watch the same events first from Otto's eyes, then Ana's, moving forward and back in time and place, from their childhood in Madrid to Ana's adulthood pilgrimage to Finland. The slight yet significant differences between their two visions deepen our understanding of their strange love, and of the precariousness of life itself. Guaranteed to put a hole in your heart, if you have one. (Spanish, with English subtitles). -- Dallas
MICKEY BLUE EYES. A romantic comedy that's more twisted than a Tarantino film, Mickey Blue Eyes features the beautiful Hugh Grant and the bizarre Jeanne Tripplehorn as fiancées who find trouble in her father's mob connections. If you think torture and murder are funny in a lighthearted sort of way, don't miss Mickey Blue Eyes. If you're one of those PC weenies who think sadistic violence is no laughing matter, then you probably won't want to stop off to see this film on your way to hugging the stranded whale trees that fight pollution and war. -- DiGiovanna
THE MUSE. Albert Brooks does a Streisand turn by writing, directing and starring in this mediocre movie. Sharon Stone plays a professional muse who Brooks hires to reinvigorate his screen writing career. Andie McDowell plays Brooks' wife, in keeping with the tradition that if you write, direct and star in a movie, you get to cast someone who's a lot prettier than you as your spouse. Lots of fun cameos by the likes of James Cameron, Martin Scorcese and Lorenzo Lamas fail to save this dreary comedy, though there are a good number of laughs in the first half hour. After that, it's just Sharon Stone acting so annoying that you want to reach through the screen and smack her. -- DiGiovanna
MYSTERY MEN. William H. Macy, Ben Stiller, Hank Azaria, Janeane Garofalo and Paul Reubens star as a band of makeshift superheroes out to rescue the great Captain Amazing (Greg Kinnear) from the clutches of the doughy Casanova Frankenstein (Geoffrey Rush) in this send-up of the comic-book movie. While it aims at that audience of notoriously virile media consumers who like anything featuring potent men in codpieces and women whose over-inflated breasts form the backing for their personal logo, sadly, it only succeeds intermittently at being funny. -- DiGiovanna
THE 13TH WARRIOR. In an odd take on the Beowulf legend, an Arab diplomat (Antonio Banderas) accompanies 12 Vikings as they assist a Nordic kingdom plagued by a horde of inhuman attackers. Though co-directors John McTiernan and Michael Crichton skillfully depict the sights and textures of medieval Europe, the movie is stultifyingly dull. Banderas doesn't help with his weak performance, which is endemic of his work since he adopted a lame, "macho" persona after leaving Spain for Hollywood (it's hard to believe that he's the same actor who was so engaging in all of those Pedro Almodovar films). -- Petix
THE THOMAS CROWN AFFAIR. Pierce Brosnan plays billionaire art thief Thomas Crown in this remake of the 1968 Faye Dunaway/Steve McQueen film about a wealthy man who decides to get wealthier by stealing an impressionist painting. Rene Russo plays the insurance company detective sent to investigate him. Apparently, her dictionary defines "investigate" as "get it on with." Beautifully photographed in the style of late-'60s American cinema, TCA works well as a romance, a thriller and a meditation on aging. An interesting note about the evolution of the art market is contained in the difference between this film and its earlier counterpart: in the McQueen version, the painting is worth $3 million; in the Brosnan version it's worth $100 million. To make up for the increased cost, the filmmakers insert an obnoxious amount of product placement, coming just short of re-titling the film The Thomas Crown Pepsi One Affair. -- DiGiovanna
UNIVERSAL SOLDIER: THE RETURN. This isn't even bad in a fun way -- it's just bad. Let's look at the rap sheet: a middle-aged, blue-haired "punk" hacker who spouts madcap lines like "That's gotta' hurt"; painfully loud gunfire made more excruciating by the generic techno-metal on the soundtrack; a completely gratuitous visit to a raunchy strip club; a minority sidekick/cypher who exists solely to sacrifice herself in a lame finale; and bald villains who crack macho one-liners after cracking people's skulls. Stay as far away from Universal Soldier as you can. -- Petix
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