THE MONEY SHOT: Well, the Prez finally 'fessed up this week--as if he had any choice--with an emission, er, admission he'd had an "inappropriate relationship" with that woman. We were hoping Clinton would announce it was time for America to begin a national dialogue on the subject of oral sex, but no such luck--instead, he just said it wasn't anybody's business. We're not sure what's going to come of all this, but we doubt it means Special Prosecutor Ken Starr has Clinton licked.
But Starr was the big winner earlier this month at the World Pornography Conference at the Sheraton Universal Hotel in Los Angeles, where he was awarded the 1998 Boobie Award for "Best National Pornography Production" for, in the words of a recently squeezed-out press release, "his sensational, multi-media porn production of The Intern and the President."
Starr also picked up additional Boobies for Best Hot-Talk Taping, Best Money Shot (On A Dress), Best Marketing Campaign and Most Expensive Pornography Production in History. The much-maligned Linda Tripp may be able to take some solace in her award for Most Underhanded Technical Support.
"Never has a piece of porn so captured the hearts, minds and gonads of so many American citizens, even those of us who really don't care who swallows the presidential semen (or saves it on a dress for four years)," said philosopher and sex educator Susan Block, chairwoman of the Committee to Defend the Sexual Rights and Privacy of the Presidential Penis. "Never has the mainstream American media proven itself to be such a fantastic public relations machine for a single pornography production, broadcasting every salacious rumor and X-rated innuendo in this sperm-swirling storm of gossip, intrigue and sanctimonious outrage. Jerry Springer, eat your heart out. Kenneth W. Starr is a XXX star."
SINGLE PRAISES: Gregg Goodrich is a novelist and non-fiction writer whose published works tend toward the virtually real rather than the universally true. (His novel Bytes of Passion, available online at http://www.1stbooks.com/?probooks, is a suspense thriller about a cyber-stalker.)
But he turns his craft from spine-tingling to rib-tickling with his latest book, You Know You've Been Single Too Long When... (Morris Publishing, $6.95). Herein the Milwaukee native (who now lives in Mesa, Arizona, with his cat "Socks") offers 92 pages of handwritten one-liners on the ironies of singledom.
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