INTO THE WOODS: The establishment media lined up to defend their favorite GOP weenie, Attorney General Grant Woods, against attacks by state lawmakers, led by Senate President John Greene. The papers tell us Woods was already cleared by Maricopa County Attorney Rick Romley. True, but that ain't the issue. The issue is the $85,000 of state taxpayer money Woods paid a private attorney to defend him in the criminal investigation--an expenditure which state law calls a Class 4 felony. Woods defends the action by saying he's the highest legal authority in the state and he's ruled that it's okay for him to have authorized the payment. It's just one more example of how we have allowed a ruling political class run by lawyers to take over most of the substance of government. Woods thinks he's a law student who gets to grade his own paper--and all the other lawyers don't want to challenge that concept. That said, we would like to add that we had some problems with the state Legislature's attempt to create a special prosecutor during the special session earlier this month. The brainchild of Senate President Greene, the bill would have exempted both the governor and the Legislature--an unacceptable provision which served only to protect lawmakers and Gov. J. Fife Deadbeat III. If lawmakers want to create a special prosecutor, they shouldn't be creating a special class of immunity for themselves. WHY DON'T THEY DO WHAT THEY SAY THEY'RE GOING TO DO? KGUN-TV News has been running a segment entitled "Why Don't They Do Something About...?" in which the scorps at Channel 9 promise to look into public annoyances--barking dogs, littering smokers, and people who fail to give right-of-way to emergency vehicles. All of this seems well and good, but there's one small problem: They never answer their own question. They did one on people who don't pull over to the right and stop when emergency vehicles are approaching, but the entire segment consisted of footage of people not pulling over (or making a half-baked effort to do so) and then a statement of what the law provides for violators. They never answered the question as to why nothing is ever done about it. They even had a cop whom they asked about the violations, but they never bothered to ask the Big Question. Likewise, the recent segment on asshole smokers who throw their butts out of car and truck windows. They got some footage of litterers flicking butts out of windows, then stated the fines for that crime. They then spiraled off into warnings about what could happen if the cigarette started a fire. They stated the dire fines and jail terms possible for starting a forest fire, then ended the piece without asking a cop why inconsiderate smokers can litter with impunity. It's like saying that you're going to have a Sports section and then using the space to run articles on hiking. No wait, that's the Daily Star. We actually like the idea behind those "Why Don't They...?" segments. We just wish they'd take it one step further and actually ask the damn question. MOONBEAM MCSWINE UPDATE: Marana Vice-Mayor Sharon Price, who doubles as the Big Mama for the Continental Ranch Homeowners Association, was out of work for a while. Seems Ranch Holdings sold a controlling interest in Continental Ranch to Coventry Homes, which decided to replace her. (Please note that this association is controlled by the builders until enough houses are sold to replace their percentage of land which, at current projections, will take another 20 or 30 years.) Ranch Holdings executives wanted the new guys to keep her on, noting that she was not only vice-mayor but had delivered a couple of Continental Ranch residents to the Dogpatch Town Council who weren't exactly voting against the interests of the CR oligarchs. So Price will return as the Recreation Director--and the developers will still have their vote on a council that still can't spell conflict of interest. BAD RECEPTION: The popular talk show of Dr. Laura Schlesinger has changed stations, moving from KTUC to KNST but remaining in the same afternoon time slot. The Star told us that Schelsinger's program was coming to town, which is a real surprise to all those who were listening to Dr. Laura beat up on all the lovelorn chowderheads who call in with their problems for the past couple of years. Apparently whoever writes about radio programming over there was unfamiliar with it, or just re-printed a KNST handout which wouldn't mention their rival station. IMITATION IS THE SINCEREST FORM OF FLATTERY: Although our friends at the morning daily often whine off the record about The Skinny, they, too, now have their own copycat version. Like The Skinny, Dry Heat is unsigned and runs a single column down the left side of the Accent section on Thursdays. We assume the heat will remain dry and not too severe, as the corporate bean counters at Pulitzer will no doubt ensure. But it's nice to know they're paying attention to what works. BUT THE SPELL CHECK SHOULD HAVE CAUGHT IT: Did you happen to catch the headline on page 4 in the Oro Valley Explorer's July 11 edition: "Golder Ranch Firefighter Killed by Lightening." While we--and we're sure they--deeply regret this tragedy, we suspect the next of kin would appreciate the clarification that the gentleman was struck by lightning and did not die from some obscure diet plan.

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