There was a lot of news in Internetland this week—but the most troubling online event was Tiger Woods signing up for Twitter.
Sure, he has the same right as anyone to set up a stream of tedious information delivered 140 characters at a time, but based on his initial offerings, Tiger's plan is to be rather banal, so as to appear more like a regular, likable guy, and not a jerk who cheated on his wife with every skanky bottle-service model around.
What did we learn about Tiger within his first few tweets? He likes the fact that he can wear shorts during phone interviews! (I also like wearing shorts! Maybe he's not so bad!)
I want the same thing from any celebrity on Twitter: Be interesting, funny, crazy or a combination of the three. If you're breaking down the fourth wall, no one cares that you're happy Stanford won last weekend (other than our editor, perhaps). Even Pat Sajak has the good sense to display the odd side of his personality on Twitter, mentioning that he was having trouble taking a nap during the American Music Awards and that he packed a turkey leg as a snack.
Maybe rapper Ghostface can offer a class on tweeting: When he posted that he doesn't understand why people drink milk, because that could lead to defecating in the car (I'm paraphrasing here), that was news I could use ... or at least find amusing.
Get interesting, Tiger, or keep your boring life to yourself.
"Ah, check your server connections; it seems that The Onion is cross-posting to the Weekly. This is too funny. And to think she used to be a teacher. I'm thankful she won't be a problem here."
—Steve Holmes, via Facebook, on the befuddling story of Sharon Lin, the TucsonWeekly.com commenter who always has a new reason to not move to Tucson ("Out-of-Area Woman Can't Stop Not Retiring in Tucson," The Range, Nov. 22). Her latest complaint about the Old Pueblo: She doesn't want to be represented by Raúl Grijalva and Gabrielle Giffords while drinking her organic coffee.
If you missed the first installment of our weekly "Secrets of Tucson Bartenders" series, go to TucsonWeeklyTV.com, and catch the introduction, with Jonas Black of Jasper Food and Mixology. Jonas explains why elevating the art of the cocktail is important, from using fresh ingredients to putting unique spins on classic drinks—which is also what you'll see in our second video. Amber from Harvest Restaurant shows how to make one of their top-sellers, the Honey Lick (featuring local honey), in the process creating a new take on a gin cocktail. If you have questions you'd like answered by a local bartender, or have a profile suggestion, e-mail email@example.com.
We also had the good fortune to drop in on a rehearsal for the Cirque du Soleil production of Alegria, which runs at the Tucson Convention Center through Nov. 28. People weren't really meant to bend that way.
We told you about state Senate President Russell Pearce's refusal to take federal money to save AHCCCS; looked at how state budget cuts are keeping people from lifesaving transplants; watched people in Phoenix freak out about a church that looks like a mosque; found out that the Mormon Church is OK with "homosexual thoughts" but not actions; saw state GOP head Randy Pullen tweet his resignation; criticized My Chemical Romance for boycotting the state; and thanked The Thermals for not boycotting the state.
We reviewed Arizona Opera's production of Carmen and wondered why more young people aren't going to the opera; looked at a new book about the Desert Museum; enjoyed art by Emily Feingold; previewed the latest Powhaus production; saw Tina Fey censored by PBS; looked at an unfunny press release for a (supposedly) funny show; previewed Foosball: The Movie; and shared a track from local band Dead Western Plains.
On the Chow and booze beats: We announced that Empire Pizza downtown serves beer now; unveiled a magical device that allows you to make miniature pies on your desk; learned the cost of Thanksgiving dinner this year; discussed the art of mixology with Jonas Black of Jasper; and provided 'round-the-clock Four Loko coverage no one asked for.