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The Waiting Is the Hardest Part

If there's one thing that's keeping The Range from taking our once-regular trips to the Mexican beaches of Rocky Point, it's that miserable two hours we have to spend waiting to get back into the United States if we come back on a Sunday. Crawling along for those last couple of miles with a sunburn on our backs and sand in our shorts is a total buzzkill.

The U.S. Customs and Border Protection announced last week they were going to do their best to make it easier on us by shunting folks driving those darn RVs and trucks hauling trailers--loaded with boats and ATVs--into their own special lane for special attention at the Lukeville border crossing. We're not sure that's going to make a big difference, but we'll let you know how it works out the next time we make the trip. Though we'll probably try to come home on Tuesday, anyway.

If you think the fustercluck at the Lukeville port of entry is bad, just wait until you see a federal courthouse on Monday mornings. Homeland Security officials announced last week that they were going to detain everyone busted for illegally crossing the border for at least two weeks and as long as six months. No word yet on where they're going to find the detention space, judges, federal marshals and other support staff to pull off that feat. Maybe they'll just quit bothering with court appearances and stick 'em all in a tent city.


Risky Business

Congresswoman Gabrielle Giffords promised to defend the town of Marana against the mapping bureaucracy of the Federal Emergency Management Agency, which wants to designate a big chunk of the rapidly developing town as floodplain. If the agency proceeds as planned, Marana residents would be forced to purchase flood insurance. Giffords, who complained that the agency wasn't taking into account levee-like structures such as railroad tracks and the CAP canal that could prevent flooding, said she would push for an administrative or legislative solution.

In other FEMA news: The agency was so excited about its response to the California wildfires that it held a fake press conference last week in which FEMA employees posed as reporters, tossing softball questions to FEMA Deputy Director Harvey Johnson and getting back answers like: "I'm very happy with FEMA's response."

Homeland Security spokeswoman Laura Keehner called the dog-and-pony show "offensive and inexcusable," and White House spokeswoman Dana Perino called it an "error in judgment" that would not be repeated.


Worm-on-Worm Action

Researchers at the University of Utah successfully altered the DNA of female worms, turning them into lesbian nematodes attracted to other female nematodes, according to The Associated Press. The discovery was hailed as a major breakthrough for wormophiliacs, who had grown bored watching the same old boy-girl worm action.

In other odd news: NASA agreed to search for files related to whether the space agency was involved in the recovery of an extraterrestrial craft from the woods near Kecksburg, Pa., in 1965, according to the AP. A New York City reporter has requested any information related to an acorn-shaped object the size of a Volkswagen bus that witnesses say was carted off after a strange object streaked through the sky and crashed in the woods.


Air Ball

Hey! A win for the UA football team! A new UA single-game passing record set by quarterback Willie Tuitama! Tuitama named offensive Pac-10 player of the week! Kick returner Mike Thomas named special teams Pac-10 player of the week! What kind of bizarro universe are we suddenly living in?

The Wildcats beat the Washington Huskies 48-41 after a 22-point comeback in the fourth quarter. Is this the big turnaround we've been waiting for? Find out when the Cats take on the UCLA Bruins at home this weekend. Kickoff: 12:30 p.m.


I'm a Journalist, Not a Doctor!

The Range mistakenly referred to MRSA, the superbug that's running through more of our schools this week, as a virus rather than a bacteria last week. We apologize to viruses who were offended by our error.

More by Jim Nintzel

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