Police Dispatch 

Well, Something Went Down the Toilet

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Rincon Beat

June 7, 11:08 p.m.

A man with a figurative toilet mouth got arrested for trying to fight his nephew over a literal clogged toilet, according to a Pima County Sheriff's Department report.

Sheriff's deputies were called late at night to the house where the subject lived with his mother, his nephew and his nephew's fiancé. The nephew—who'd reported the incident—said his uncle had been banging incessantly on his bedroom door that night, yelling obscenities and saying, "I'm going to kick your ass!"

The reportee's fiancé, also in the bedroom during the banging, told deputies the uncle was also screaming at her—and when the nephew did finally open his door to face the uncle, the older man charged her (not causing injury but definitely scaring her). The subject's mother, who'd been trying to sleep in another room, said she'd heard all the yelling and arrived outside the nephew's bedroom just in time to see his uncle "brush chests with (the fiancé) in an attempt to intimidate her."

When deputies found the subject in the backyard, shirtless, he said churlishly with fake surprise, "Yeah, what are you doing here?" and acted aggressively toward them.

When he was finally forced to give his side of the situation, the man essentially said, the words of the report, "that he is tired of his nephew and his fiancé using controlled substances such as heroin in the bedroom and also clogging the bathroom toilet and not fixing it."

Or, in his own words, "They get so fucked up on heroin that they can't even fix the damn toilet."

However, deputies found no evidence of drug use by the reportee or his fiancé...In fact, it was the uncle whose behavior suggested he could've been on something (but there was no proof of that, either).

The uncle was jailed for domestic violence (plus an existing warrant) and was forbidden from contacting the victims when released.

The nephew and nephew's fiancé admitted they'd clogged the toilet—but they remained free to go, since failure to repair bathroom fixtures isn't usually a criminal act.

More by Anna Mirocha

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