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What a Dick

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Rincon Beat

Dec. 28, 1 p.m.

An unknown vandal used a variety of white, squishy bathroom products to draw male genitalia and scrawl offensive words all over the driveway of an eastside resident, according to a Pima County Sheriff's Department report.

The resident called a sheriff's deputy to his house, where it was evident that someone had squirted toothpaste, shaving cream and body lotion all over his driveway, front wall and garage door. The victim had tried to wash it off with a hose, but the substances proved extremely tenacious—even after they'd been hosed vigorously, white residue remained quite visible everywhere they'd been applied.

In the middle of the victim's driveway (just outside his garage), shaving cream residue spelled out, "Suck my ass." In the corner of his driveway, there was a huge penis drawn on the ground (the report didn't specify what had been used to draw the penis). On the wall near his garage, a racist word had been scrawled in shaving cream.

The reportee was able to remove some of the vandalism—before he'd hosed off his garage door, he said, it had been decorated with multiple messages containing the expression "Fuck you," but after the hosing, all that remained were vague outlines of penises.

The reportee believed that "the penis illustrations remained because the graffiti artist had possibly used some sort of highlighter on these depictions, as they now appeared reddish in color."

The victim said he didn't know who might've wanted to do this to his house. But when he'd first gotten home to find the graffiti and was cleaning it up, he said, he saw a white Dodge pickup truck drive by very slowly, then turn around and pass by his house again. He said he "found that suspicious and did not know if it was possibly the people who did it, coming back to see their work."

The deputy told him to call the Sheriff's Department again if any further information became available. The victim agreed and said he mainly wanted to file a report in case he needed to use his homeowner's insurance to pay to have the rest of the graffiti fully removed.

More by Anna Mirocha

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