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Police Dispatch 

The Pisser and the Pissed

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Foothills Area

March 6, 4:48 p.m.

A sheriff's deputy went out to handle a man who'd reportedly peed in public, but he ended up arresting a different (apparently very drunk) man—at the same location—after this second subject threatened to likewise publicly piss, according to a Pima County Sheriff's Department report.

The deputy was responding to a call from a northeast-side female saying she'd just seen a man urinate on a building in plain view, though she conceded she hadn't glimpsed any of his "private parts."

The deputy easily found the man (still near the building described), but he repeatedly denied the urination story—and since the deputy could identify no wet spot upon a thorough examination of the building's wall, he released this subject.

However, another man was sitting just nearby holding (and drinking from) a clear bottle apparently containing beer, with the top of the bottle protruding from a brown paper bag. When the deputy asked if the bottle indeed contained alcohol, the man readily said, "Yep, that's what it is." He then openly admitted that he knew it was illegal to drink beer in public, saying he had to do it because he was a chronic alcoholic.

Once handcuffed, he tried to pull away and said, "Fuck that. I am not going to jail!" and declared that the deputy "better get (his) buddy friends over here, because he was not going to go anywhere."

He went on to threaten to "urinate on the backseat" if the deputy put him in his patrol vehicle, then plunking himself on the sidewalk and saying he wouldn't go to jail until someone "let him go pee."

The deputy—obviously exasperated—explained that public urination was the reason he'd been called to the scene in the first place. He declined to let the drunk man relieve himself (on the wall or anywhere else), taking him directly to jail. Luckily, the man didn't urinate in the cop car on the way.

More by Anna Mirocha

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