Police dispatch 

A Stranger in a Strange Trailer Park

San Xavier Beat

Oct. 26, 10: 48 a.m.

An oddly ornamented woman tried to steal some lawn ornaments and other random stuff from another woman's (oddly cluttered) yard, according to a Pima County Sheriff's Department report.

With sheriff's deputies on scene, the victim said she'd arrived home from Walmart to find a strange woman standing before her trailer holding a vast miscellany of objects from her front yard: butterfly lawn ornaments, a frying pan, wind chimes, an antique teapot, a large lighter, a small storage container, a telephone book, a bunch of tree branches and more. The subject reportedly explained she was homeless and ... well ... she just "liked this stuff."

Told to drop the items, the trespasser allegedly complied and casually walked away, boarding a nearby 2004 Mazda sedan.

The victim said "it seemed as though she was not fully there and that she was confused." Right before leaving, the woman had allegedly asked the reportee "if she knew how to get stickers out of her hands" (which the reportee affirmed, while refusing to help).

The victim's neighbor told deputies she'd seen and approached the trespasser, who'd claimed to be "looking for some cats." The neighbor said that although she told the woman no cats were around, she kept pacing the yard—for an hour.

The neighbor said the woman was heavily bedecked in jewelry, including "silver dangle earrings with red diamonds" and numerous "large silver rings" with different-colored "diamonds"—and she also had pen writing covering the entirety of both legs, comprising "designs, phone numbers and addresses."

The deputies obtained the subject's license plate number from the reportee and verified her identity through the Motor Vehicle Division. But perhaps because the woman really was homeless and deputies were unable to locate her, the police report ended without deputies yet finding the would-be lawn-ornament thief.

A Young Man With Promise

Tucson Mountains Beat

Nov. 1, 10:43 p.m.

A youth was caught drunk after vandalizing a vehicle—but at least he knew his rights, a PCSD report stated.

Deputies caught the young man—wearing black clothing and Halloween makeup (the night after Halloween)—near where his mother's boyfriend had accused him of damaging his truck with a brick, which evidence proved true. The subject was also proven intoxicated (though underage) after he agreed to take a Breathalyzer test. His mother told deputies she thought he was addicted to both booze and meth.

Though his activities that night weren't smart, the boy still had some of his wits about him: After being read his Miranda rights, he told a deputy, "To be honest with you, I have been drinking alcohol today and I'm choosing my right to remain silent."

The reporting deputy accordingly ceased asking him questions and brought him to the Pima County Juvenile Court.

More by Anna Mirocha


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