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HANDs off

FOOTHILLS AREA

AUGUST 3, 7:57 P.M.

A physically disabled man couldn't keep his hands off his penis while in front of his paid female caregiver, according to a Pima County Sheriff's Department report.

The woman told sheriff's deputies that earlier that day, a wheelchair-bound man—who'd been assigned to her through a commercial caregiving service—had greatly upset her during his shower. She said usually she helped him get in and out of the shower and washed his back, but it was his job to clean his private areas.

That morning, she said, "his job" turned into a self-given hand job when he used lubricating lotion instead of soap, "stroking his penis up and down"—and refusing to stop. He was still masturbating even after she'd managed to get him out of the shower, ostensibly going at it even while she was lifting him up and seating him in his wheelchair—additionally stating, "I want sex" about four times.

The caregiver said she then pulled the man's pants over his penis and left the house immediately.

Upon interview with a deputy, the client insisted that morning he'd merely been washing his private parts "real good," since he'd been "hoping to get some action" later that night (presumably not with the caregiver). He said he'd stopped rubbing his penis once she'd objected.

He then said in fact, he wanted to prosecute her, since she'd previously mentioned sex to him on the job—which he felt was inappropriate. He said he wanted an apology letter and indicated that she'd lose her job.

The caregiver adamantly denied ever discussing sex with this man.

Though the report ended vaguely, it implied that no charges were filed on either side.

NONDISCRIMINATORY HATRED

FOOTHILLS AREA

JULY 22, 4:40 P.M.

A woman was disturbed by her neighbor shouting offensive statements against myriad random people (and nonexistent beings), apparently displeased with everyone from the young to the old, a PCSD report stated.

The reportee said that afternoon, her neighbor started yelling so loudly that she was audible from across the street—while still inside her house. After the neighbor came outside, the reportee allegedly heard her yell, "Get the fuck off my property!" and, "Get the fuck out of my house!" (apparently addressing nobody in particular)—and then, randomly, "Larry, you're a fuckin' asshole."

Once, the reportee said, the subject yelled, "I'm tired of old people living here! I've lived my whole life around old people!"

This seemed incongruent with the fact that earlier that day, she'd reportedly walked past a house near where children were playing and loudly swore at them, commanding them to "go the fuck inside their house."

After hearing a recording of the woman yelling, deputies arrested her on charges of disorderly conduct and disturbing the peace.

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