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PROFANITY INANITY

FOOTHILLS AREA

JULY 13, 10:22 P.M.

A woman was caught yelling odd expletives late at night outside the residence of a random man she'd harassed in the past, according to a Pima County Sheriff's Department report.

Upon the arrival of a sheriff's deputy, the man said the woman was still loitering outside, having just stopped yelling nonsensical profanities, disturbing him and his wife.

The deputy easily found the subject standing on the sidewalk nearby. She denied any shouting, saying she'd just been walking around and hadn't directly spoken to the reportee or been on his property.

And as it turned out, she wasn't legally allowed to do either of these things: Due to previous incidents, the reportee had an injunction against harassment stating that she must not have contact with him or be at his residence—though there was no apparent reason whatsoever for this woman to have been harassing this man in the first place, as they didn't know each other.

Though the woman hadn't violated the injunction, the reportee gave the deputy a recording from that night, which clearly proved she'd indeed been outside screaming profanities—the deputy heard "fuck"; "go fuck yourself"; "fucking bitch, stupid ass, fucking bitch"; "mind your own business, bitch"; and finally the primitive phrase "fuck cunt."

The reporting man said he could've sworn he'd heard her say his name, but this wasn't confirmed.

When the deputy told the woman about the recorded evidence against her, specifically asking if she'd yelled "fuck, bitch," she admitted to it but said she hadn't realized she'd been talking so loudly. She ceded that if someone came by her residence yelling things like that, she'd be "bothered."

The woman was cited for disturbing the peace.

NO HOT DOG FOR YOU

WEST VALENCIA ROAD JULY 13, 4:51 P.M.

A depressed, highly sensitive food-cart connoisseur acted friendly to his server—until she asked how he was doing, at which point he abruptly punched her in the face, a PCSD report said.

Deputies were called to a southwest-side hot-dog stand, where the owner said she'd just had two customers: one older man and one man in his 20s who'd been holding his head down as if he were extremely sad.

The hot-dog stand owner said that while she was preparing food for the two men, the younger one said hi to her, and she reciprocated and asked his name. But when she inquired about how he was, he suddenly snapped—punching her multiple times and scratching her face with a pencil. Deputies could see that her face was actually missing some skin.

The reportee said she "did not want to get anyone in trouble," and the two men had left anyway. But she said the older man was a regular customer and she'd soon acquire his contact information for further investigation. The alleged assailant didn't go to jail, nor did he get to eat.

More by Anna Mirocha

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