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The Parking-Lot Pisser

North Skyline Drive

June 5, 5:15 p.m.

A strip-club-frequenting drunk guy physically assaulted a cab driver with his hands—and then visually assaulted her with an up-close and personal view of his genitalia—a Pima County Sheriff's Department report stated.

The driver met sheriff's deputies in a parking lot at Campbell Avenue and Skyline Drive, where she'd forced the customer to disembark. She said she'd first picked him up at the strip club Curves, where a bouncer had shoved him into her back seat.

She said the subject was extremely intoxicated, talking to nonexistent people in the car—apparently believing he was addressing the strippers at Curves, calling them "fucking bitches." After she started driving he allegedly grabbed the back of her neck and called her a "fucking bitch." She said he didn't hurt her but scared her, so she pulled into a parking lot and asked him to get out.

She said he then threw a $20 bill at her and stumbled out of the vehicle, falling face-first into a nearby ATM. He then allegedly unzipped his pants and pulled out his penis to urinate on the ground right in front of the taxi. She said the man was so close to her that she could see he was uncircumcised.

Since deputies were in the same parking lot where this had reportedly occurred, they easily found the drunk customer stumbling around nearby. They didn't need to examine his penis to identify him as the parking-lot urinator, arresting him for assault and indecent exposure.

The Penniless Puker

North Mona Lisa Road

June 8, 2:19 a.m.

A cab driver was stiffed by a female rider who was so drunk she vomited repeatedly in his car and then fled when she'd reached her destination, refusing to pay either her fare or the pricey puke-clean-up fee, according to a PCSD report.

Deputies went to the foothills-area apartment complex where the cabbie had dropped off the woman. He said he'd picked her up at a nightclub, where a bouncer had deposited her in his back seat, and during the ride she threw up when they reached the apartment complex, he said, she'd racked up a fare of $71.50—but she said, "You aren't going to get your money because I don't have it." She also allegedly owed a $150 biohazard fee to remove the vomit covering the back seat.

The reportee said that once the subject had left his cab, she drunkenly tried to hide from him, ducking behind nearby vehicles. After awhile, she'd apparently given up trying to flee and sat on a curb in the parking lot, where sheriff's deputies found her.

She was arrested on the charge of theft of services.

More by Anna Mirocha

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