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Lesson learned: Don't masturbate on someone else's trailer

EVICTION ERECTION

SAN XAVIER BEAT

JAN. 4, 8:30 P.M.

A man was accused of peeing in public and masturbating in front a neighbor at their trailer park, according to a Pima County Sheriff's Department report.

A deputy interviewed the subject, who had been accused by the man and woman living next door of urinating on their trailer, masturbating in front of the woman and even throwing rocks at them. The subject denied the accusations and told the deputy his neighbors were "space cadets" who were angry at him because he had testified against them at a court hearing that led to their eviction from the trailer park.

When the deputy interviewed the woman, she was adamant that the subject had masturbated in front of her, and made "a motion with her right hand up and down" to demonstrate what the subject had been doing, the report said. The woman said the subject came up to her while stroking his penis and said, "Do you want some of this? Come and get it."

Deputies later found a puddle nearby, which caused the man to admit he'd peed there because a friend was using his bathroom.

The man was taken to jail on suspicion of indecent exposure.

NOODLING AROUND

CATALINA BEAT

JAN. 2, 4:51 P.M.

A woman called deputies after her brother allegedly assaulted her with a package of Top Ramen noodles, a PCSD report said.

A deputy responding to a domestic violence call found the brother, who was wearing only boxers, at home. Upon seeing the deputy, the brother yelled, "All I did was throw some noodles at her and she fell on her own!"

The sister said her brother also had slapped her, which caused her to fall. "He hasn't had any weed in three or four days and when he doesn't have any weed, he gets like this," the sister told the deputy.

The deputy noted that the floor of the living room, which was extremely dirty, was littered with bits of what appeared to be dry Top Ramen.

The deputy then interviewed the brother and sister's mother, who owned the home. She said that when the fight began, she'd been enjoying a cup of coffee and a cinnamon roll in her bathroom. She said she liked to eat in her bathroom because "it's peaceful" there.

The brother was jailed on suspicion of disturbing the peace.

More by Anna Mirocha

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