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HOW THEY DO THINGS IN THE FOOTHILLS

FOOTHILLS AREA

JUNE 4, 4:53 P.M.

A boy who was younger than 10 shook things up in his well-to-do neighborhood by engaging in some hard-core vulgarity, according to a Pima County Sheriff's Department report.

A deputy responded to a call alleging an assault with a deadly weapon. The caller said he had let his grandson play across the street, where he often hung out with other children. But soon, he said, the grandson returned home upset and said one of the other boys had pressed a tampon (thankfully unused) into his mouth.

The grandson then asked the boy, "What did you do that for?" He said the boy (identified as younger than 10 in the report) responded with, "Why don't you go home and finger your grandma?"

The grandson then reportedly told the boy to "suck a dick."

The grandfather said he confronted the boy with the tampon, which he found nearby on the ground, and said, "You keep this crap up and I'm going to knock some sense into you. Do you want this in your face?"

At that point, the grandfather said, the boy's 18-year-old brother appeared and seemed to take control of his sibling, so the grandfather went home.

Soon, however, the brother showed up at the grandfather's door with a sledgehammer and started yelling that he was going to "fucking kill" him.

The grandfather said that prompted him to grab an ax handle and tell the brother, "You need to get off my property or I will whoop the shit out of you."

He said the brother then ran off after throwing the sledgehammer at the grandfather's Jeep and just missing it.

The brother was arrested.


YOU ONLY GET ONE WISH

SAN XAVIER BEAT

MAY 7, 10:35 A.M.

A man evidently seeking both "alone time" and marijuana succeeded in getting only one of those things, a PCSD report stated.

According to the maintenance man at the subject's trailer park, the subject tried to fight with a neighbor who wouldn't sell him weed.

The maintenance man said that when he intervened, the subject kicked him—but left no bruise because he "kicks like a girl."

The subject then allegedly grabbed a baseball bat and started threatening other residents of the park as he stood in his doorway.

When a deputy interviewed the subject, he insisted that he'd "had a bad day" and was showing the bat to people to advertise his desire to be left alone. He denied attempting to fight with his neighbor, and said he'd been angry only because the neighbor did not want to be his friend.

Because there was no hard evidence that he intended violence, and there was nothing illegal about standing in his doorway while holding a bat, the man was indeed left alone. However, he apparently didn't score any pot.

More by Anna Mirocha

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