WEST VALENCIA ROAD
MARCH 13, 8:33 P.M.
A man who felt the need to pee on tools at an auto-parts store also reportedly paid someone to shoplift items for him at a southwest side-Walmart, according to a Pima County Sheriff's Department report.
Deputies were dispatched to the O'Reilly Auto Parts store, 2700 W. Valencia Road, from which employees had made an "unwanted person" call.
The store manager told them a tall, skinny man wearing sweatpants and a hairnet had come into the store and urinated on some tools that were for sale.
Deputies found a man who fit the description nearby. The man was holding several items, and he told deputies he had bought them for $3 from a person who stole them for him from a nearby Walmart.
After handcuffing the man, deputies brought him to the auto-parts store. Viewing him through the store window, the manager immediately said, "That's him—the guy that peed on all the tools."
The man was accused of urinating on about $250 worth of tools, as well as the store's carpeting.
He was booked on suspicion of criminal damage, indecent exposure and disorderly conduct.
ODE TO MALT LIQUOR
MARCH 24, 3:10 P.M.
University of Arizona police officers arrested a poetic drunk (or perhaps he was a drunken poet) in the main library, a UA Police Department report said.
Officers responded to a call about a man yelling at students as he drank from what appeared to be a can of beer.
Officers found the man sitting on the floor in the library; they reportedly recognized him from previous incidents on campus. As one officer approached him, the man asked, "How did you know it was me?"
At that point, the man took a swig from a large silver can he was holding (later identified as a 24-ounce can of Steel Reserve malt liquor). After verifying that the man had been banned from UA property for previous incidents, officers told him to stand up, but he refused.
As the man was handcuffed and pulled to his feet, he began to yell, "Fuck you!" over and over.
When he was led outside, he encountered several UA community-service officers wearing red shirts. He began to chant, "Hey, you in red, you're fucking dead!" He didn't stop until the community-service officers left the area.
The man was booked into jail for drinking in public and trespassing.