NORTH SWAN ROAD, MAY 11, 10:25 P.M.
An impaired woman allegedly crashed into a fast-food restaurant after various incorrect orders, a Pima County Sheriff's Department report stated.
An employee at a McDonald's told deputies that a station wagon had hit the restaurant's wall while apparently attempting to navigate through the drive-through.
Deputies found the vehicle near the restaurant's exit. Asked what had happened, the driver spoke slowly and with a slur, replying, "They're mad at me because I had a small altercation with them." Apparently trying to elaborate, she said "they" were mad at her "for not giving me," and then suddenly trailed off.
Asked about her vehicle's substantial front-end damage, the subject said her son had poured syrup on her car. She added that she was prone to driving the vehicle into the poles in her apartment complex's parking lot.
When a deputy pointed out the steam emanating from the car's hood, she said that was "probably due to the syrup."
She said she'd just been trying to get some burgers for her kids, but this particular McDonald's was always getting her order wrong, and she wanted to file a complaint against the restaurant. However, she denied this motivated her to crash into the restaurant.
The woman was reportedly not drunk, but on benzodiazepines and opiates. She was arrested for driving under the influence.
WEST VALENCIA ROAD, MAY 10, 3:51 P.M.
A daring shoplifter apparently stole a huge quantity of coffee by stowing it in his pants, according to a PCSD report.
The manager at a Valencia Road Walgreens told deputies he'd approached a male in a food aisle who was in the process of stuffing bags of coffee down his pants. After seeing the subject put three bags in his pants, the manager allegedly said, "Hey, give me those," at which point the subject removed two bags and threw them down.
The store manager said that when he asked the subject for all of the coffee he'd stolen, the subject walked away. After being threatened with a law-enforcement call, the manager said, the man turned around and said, "What?"—as if annoyed at being hassled. The manager said the subject then casually walked out while talking on his cell phone.
According to the manager, an inventory check indicated that the subject had actually stolen a total of 14 bags of coffee.
He didn't have evidence that all 14 bags had been in the subject's pants, but the police report mentioned no other method by which the subject could have stolen them.