Police Dispatch 


OCT. 26, 11:05 P.M.

A drunk man revealed delusions about his land holdings, according to a Pima County Sheriff's Department report.

Deputies responded to a call about a suspicious person walking around a southwest-side neighborhood and screaming. They found a man, with long white hair, sitting on his father's property with his pants down.

Evidently intoxicated, the man was yelling at his father that he, himself, owned the property, "When my father died, he gave this property to me," he yelled to deputies (with his father—alive—nearby). "I own this whole block. ... I own 800,000 acres. ... I own that uniform you're wearing."

Asked to pull up his pants, he told deputies, "Fuck you." The subject was belligerent en route to jail, whooping, singing and spitting.

At the jail, he refused to answer questions, saying, "I'm General Garcia; General Garcia is in the house!"

He told one deputy, "Don't fucking push me," followed by, "Push me again; push me again!" He then hit himself with his right hand.

He was booked for domestic violence and disorderly conduct.


OCT. 25, 9:09 A.M.

A shoplifter explained his crime by voicing a sense of entitlement, a PCSD report stated.

Deputies responded to a Circle K; the clerk said a man had casually retrieved a 24-ounce coffee and left the store without paying. He then allegedly returned and did the same with a soda.

Deputies found the subject standing outside with a coffee nearby. When asked why he hadn't paid, he said he deserved the items. He said the government should pay his bills, because he was a hard worker, he'd never "done a mean thing" and he never harmed animals.

He was arrested.


NOV. 12, 2:27 A.M.

A young college student pretended to be a cop, according to a UA Police Department report.

Officers met with a woman who said her boyfriend had taken her cell phone and threatened to hit her because he thought she was "texting other boys."

Previously, she said, he'd threatened to "get all her friends together and shoot them" and her family. She said he usually carried a firearm and claimed to be a 22-year-old Phoenix police officer.

The subject—underage—said that he told people he was 22 because he "wanted to be older."

Officers recommended a restraining order.

More by Anna Mirocha

  • Police Dispatch

    That Guy Has an "Arrest Wish"
    • Mar 23, 2017
  • Police Dispatch

    Anna Mirocha
    • Mar 16, 2017
  • Police Dispatch

    A woman's live-in adult son got suddenly, strangely angry after possibly scoring drugs at an auto-parts shop
    • Mar 16, 2017
  • More »


Subscribe to this thread:

Add a comment

Readers also liked…

  • Police Dispatch

    For the Love of Fried Chicken
    • Dec 3, 2015
  • Police Dispatch

    Street Performance, Literally
    • Jan 21, 2016

The Range

No Healthcare Vote Today After All

"Martha McSally Is Not Answering"

Laughing Stock: Tickling the Surly Wench

More »

Latest in Police Dispatch

  • Police Dispatch

    That Guy Has an "Arrest Wish"
    • Mar 23, 2017
  • Police Dispatch

    A University of Arizona student experienced the epitome of luck when he not only rec ouped his lost wallet—with everything apparently still inside—but also avoided jail despite the fact that everything was apparently still inside...
    • Mar 23, 2017
  • More »

© 2017 Tucson Weekly | 7225 Mona Lisa Rd. Ste. 125, Tucson AZ 85741 | (520) 797-4384 | Powered by Foundation