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IS THAT SPILLED BEER, OR ... ?

NORTH LA CHOLLA BOULEVARD

DEC. 22, 10:47 A.M.

A woman with an urgent need to "go" used a convenience-store beer cooler as a bathroom, a Pima County Sheriff's Department report stated.

Deputies responded to a northwest-side Circle K, where the manager said he had been alerted to a customer possibly urinating in the beer cooler. He saw a female squatting on the floor between two stacks of beer with her pants pulled down around her knees. Two toilet-paper rolls were allegedly positioned beside her atop a 12-pack.

The manager said he told the female she could not urinate in there and to leave, at which point she stood up, pulled up her pants and entered the men's bathroom. After emerging, she left the store with a male companion, both of them flipping off the manager and clerk while sarcastically saying, "Great customer service you have."

The clerk said she had been cleaning the women's restroom when the female subject asked to use it; the clerk informed her she would have to wait. The female reportedly said, "Fuck this," proceeded to the household-items aisle and opened a toilet-paper package to bring some rolls with her to the beer cooler, where she unbuttoned her pants.

When deputies apprehended the subject, she explained that the clerk had been taking a long time to clean the women's restroom facilities, and she "wanted to make a point on how bad she had to go to the bathroom."

The urinator was cited for toilet-paper theft and disorderly conduct.


ILLICIT INTERIOR DESIGN

NORTH BLUE BONNET ROAD

DEC. 23, 8 A.M.

A local property owner received wall art as an unwanted housewarming present, according to a Pima County Sheriff's Department report.

The property owner explained to the reporting deputy that he was in the process of building a house, which was almost completed. The reporting deputy saw that on one of the building's interior walls, an unknown intruder had painted a multicolored mural, approximately 4 feet by 8 feet. It depicted a man holding an ax in his hand with a large, "bowling-ball-shaped" head that had wings coming out of it; written around the mural were the words "beauty of sound and conclusion" and "believe in me it's all I have to give." There was also some lettering above the image's head that the deputy could not decipher.

An uninstalled window had been shattered, and a door to the house had been kicked in; two footprints were found on the door that matched footprints beneath the mural. It was surmised that the vandal brought several cans of paint as well as his own paintbrushes.

The victim had no idea who would have done such a thing to his home or why.

More by Anna Mirocha

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