Police Dispatch 

WISHFUL DRINKING?

EAST SUNRISE DRIVE

JUNE 3, 4:28 A.M.

A drunk man broke into the nicer apartment of a neighbor when he allegedly mistook the residence for his own, according to a Pima County Sheriff's Department report.

The victim said he woke up to find a stranger standing in his apartment. The stranger was standing in the doorway, screaming, after apparently breaking through the lock on the victim's bedroom door.

Questioned by sheriff's deputies, the subject said he had been drinking and must have passed out. When he awoke on the reportee's porch, he thought the apartment was his own and that he had been locked out by his roommates; he assumed they were also drunk. He entered the apartment by removing the screen over the apartment's sliding-glass window, and then broke the lock on the reportee's bedroom door by using part of an ink pen. He seemingly thought it was his own bedroom, though his own apartment was a significant distance away. The subject, still visibly intoxicated, was crying and very apologetic.

The subject's apartment was indeed similar to the victim's and in the same complex. However, the subject's porch was littered with bottles and ashtrays, and his apartment was dirty and badly furnished, while the victim's apartment was well-kept and full of nice furnishings, including a large entertainment center. The subject insisted he hadn't noticed, because he was so drunk.


A WHORIBLE SPELLER

WEST CALLE RANUNCULO

JUNE 7, 12:17 P.M.

A woman freshly out of a messy divorce found alleged proof that her ex-husband is both mean and a lousy speller, a PCSD report stated.

The victim said that about two weeks before, her ex-husband had retrieved some things he owned from a shed on her mother's property. When her mother was out of town, the woman had gone to the property to check on the house and noticed that someone had removed the screws from the shed's door handle and lock—meaning anybody could get inside and steal her things stored there.

When she went inside the shed, she said, she found graffiti on the walls made with a marker. She said her angry ex-husband had apparently been trying to write "fucking whore," which she said he used to call her all the time—but he must have been unsure of his spelling: Someone had written "fuckin hor," and then added, "or whore."

The victim was upset, she said, mainly because her children sometimes went in the shed, and she did not want them to see bad language. Besides, graffiti like that might negatively affect children's spelling abilities.

Deputies were unable to ascertain whether the woman's ex had indeed written "fuckin hor or whore" in the shed.

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