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NUDE AND UNGLUED

SOUTH SEYMOUR ROAD

MAY 10, 2:31 A.M.

A man celebrated the anniversary of his nativity by making a neighborhood ruckus in his birthday suit, a Pima County Sheriff's Department report stated.

Deputies arrived at the location, where they heard loud yelling. Entering the subject's residence, they encountered a yelling male, completely naked, just inside the front door. He had slurred speech and swayed back and forth.

The man let deputies cover his lap with a towel but refused clothing. He explained he had just been at a party, and it was his 32nd birthday; when he arrived home, he wanted to go skinny-dipping, which was why he was naked. After speaking, he proceeded to lie down on the kitchen floor. He said he had drunk a lot of beer and was also on LSD.

The subject's parents, with whom he lived, stated that he'd arrived home from celebrating at a party at about 1:30 a.m., and "celebrated a little more by himself." He went to the backyard pool, disrobed and began jumping in and out of the pool, running around the yard and screaming at a high volume. Told he would wake the neighbors, he said, "Fuck the neighbors. They always wake us up, so I don't care if I wake them up."

The man was arrested for disorderly conduct.


SHOULD'VE BEEN A LIFER?

SOUTH CALICO LANE

MAY 10, 5:09 P.M.

A disgruntled ex-con wronged a man who helped him, according to a PCSD report.

The reportee, the owner of several trailers on a lot, stated he had been corresponding with a man who served a three-year prison sentence for murder and who had just been released. To help him get back on his feet, the reportee let him sleep in one of his trailers and paid him to work as a handyman.

At first, the subject was helpful, the owner reported, but his mood changed considerably once he was told he would have to move out while the reportee went on vacation. On the day of the move, the reportee saw his guest copiously drinking alcohol and rocking back and forth in a "scary" manner.

Later that day, the reportee found numerous holes burned in the trailer's carpet and several puddles of human urine. In the back of the trailer, there was a propped-up piece of cardboard with "dig" written on it and a steak knife stuck through it. Someone had also cut out letters spelling "charity" and "integrity" from a magazine.

A week later, the reportee entered the trailer to find that someone had left a hose running in the residence, flooding it and ruining what was left of the carpet.

The reporting deputy advised the reportee to obtain a restraining order.

More by Anna Mirocha

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