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IT WASN'T AVON CALLING

WEST CIRCLE Z STREET

APRIL 3, 10:37 P.M.

An unsuspecting wife was engaged in an unsolicited (but relatively polite) obscene conversation, a Pima County Sheriff's Department report stated.

A deputy spoke by phone with the victim's husband, who stated that an unknown male called his house, and his wife answered. After it became clear that the caller was saying odd things to his wife, the husband picked up the phone in another room and listened in.

The caller, self-identified as "John Justice," asked the wife if she would like to have sex with him while her husband was gone. He went on, making sexual remarks for quite some time. The husband did say that toward the end of the conversation, the caller said he could make the wife "feel good between her legs." At that point, the husband spoke up, saying that when he "was done with" the caller, the caller would "not feel good between the legs anymore."

The caller hung up.

The couple could not identify the caller's number, because it was blocked. They were told to contact authorities if the subject called again.

CREAMY AND ANNOYING

SOUTH CAMINO DE OESTE

APRIL 5, 9:43 A.M.

A person chose an odd way of vandalizing a stranger's vehicles while possibly attempting to frame someone at a local car-repair shop, according to a PCSD report.

When the reporting deputy arrived at the victim's residence, the victim explained that the windshields and hoods of two vehicles, a Toyota pickup and Chevy Blazer, had been covered with what appeared to be shaving cream. There was black writing all over one truck, as well as a broken beer bottle on the ground nearby. Stuck under a windshield wiper was a business card from Frank's Auto Refinishing on South Fourth Avenue.

Neither truck had body damage. The victim had no known enemies.

THEY'RE FAKE ... AND THEY'RE SPECTACULAR

EAST SANTA INEZ, GREEN VALLEY

APRIL 5, 11:45 P.M.

An attractive breast-cancer survivor received unwanted—if complimentary—attention thanks to her reconstructed chest, a PSCD report showed.

The victim explained she had received a call from an unknown male who had said, "A friend of mine told me you have amazing breasts," to which she replied, "I probably do." She explained to the caller that her breasts had been removed due to breast cancer, and now she had implants.

The caller said, "Thank you very much," and hung up.

The victim was instructed to call 911 if contacted again.

More by Anna Mirocha

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