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Padded-Cell Zone

South Paseo Sarta, Green Valley, Sept. 28, 12:16 p.m.

An apparently psychotic dog-hater failed to use government connections to escape arrest for threats, according to a Pima County Sheriff's Department report.

A deputy met with the reportee, who said his apartment-complex neighbor had begun banging on his door and yelling incomprehensibly at 5:30 that morning. A little later, the neighbor told the reportee that "this was a dog-free zone," handing him one of many flyers he had printed with that statement, which he was posting all over the apartment complex. The neighbor then told the reportee that if he ever saw his dog again, "it would be gone."

The reporting deputy went to the subject's apartment, where the deputy was asked to remove his boots to come inside. When he refused, the subject became irate, said he would call the president of the United States and retreated into his home, where the deputy followed him. The subject dialed some numbers on his phone, became belligerent and began screaming that he was now calling the first lady. He then made a nonsensical statement regarding an account number he needed in order to contact the president.

Asked if he wanted to go to the hospital due to his unstable state, the subject stated no, he wanted to go to the White House. He then threw the phone's handset at the deputy, not realizing that it was still attached to a cord, which caused the handset to snap back and hit the subject on his own leg. The subject became even more belligerent.

The subject was arrested. When the booking agent asked him if he was employed, he said he was a banker in China.


Didn't Get the Grammy

West River Road, Sept. 26, 1:05 p.m.

An identity thief tried to use a found cell phone to exploit an elderly woman, a PCSD report said.

The woman reported that she got a phone call that morning from a young man calling her "Grammy" and claiming to be her grandson, saying he was in jail in Canada and needed her to wire him $4,200 immediately. Since the woman's grandson had never called her for money before, she figured he must need it badly.

Two hours later, the caller called back to see if she had wired the money yet, which she was about to do. While she was on one phone line with that individual, another man claiming to be her grandson called on the other line and told her the first man was an imposter. After the second caller assured her he was her real grandson and he would never ask for money, she believed him and hung up on the first man.

It was determined that the false grandson must have gotten her number from the real grandson's cell phone, which had accidentally been thrown in a trash can in Hartford, Conn.

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