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Incontinent and Horny

East Skyline Drive, May 22, 3:12 p.m.

A drunk woman became aggressive and failed to control various bodily functions when asked to leave an area restaurant, said a Pima County Sheriff's Department report.

A sheriff's deputy was called to RA Sushi Bar Restaurant, 2905 E. Skyline Drive, where the assistant manager said one of his bartenders had refused to serve more beer to an apparently intoxicated female customer. The customer reportedly became upset and began walking around the restaurant, begging other customers for drinks. When the assistant manger told her to leave, she slapped him. She then went to the restaurant's entrance and urinated on the ground. One witness said that while he did not see her "private parts," he did see urine dripping from beneath her skirt.

The reporting deputy confirmed this story by viewing a sizable puddle near the entrance. He found the subject wandering around and screaming in the parking lot. After capturing and handcuffing her--not without great difficulty--the deputy transported her to jail.

En route, the arrestee told the deputy that she liked his smile, that she was "feeling horny with him" and that she knew he wanted to have sex with her. The deputy told her to be quiet and that, no, he "did not want to do that to her." She opened her legs and put her feet up near the caged divider.

Upon arrival at the jail, the subject called the deputy an idiot and a "fucking fag." She was booked for disorderly conduct and criminal nuisance.


He Forgot to Bring a Book

North Oldfather Drive, May 22, 4:35 p.m.

A father retrieving his child from school allegedly exposed himself as a form of self-entertainment, according to a Pima County Sheriff's Department report.

The reportee of the incident said he had been walking by the subject's vehicle, which was parked in the pickup area at Thornydale Elementary School, 7751 N. Oldfather Drive, when he saw that the young male driver was reclined in his seat with his penis out. He was allegedly dangling it back and forth, looking at it. The man wasn't necessarily masturbating, the reportee said, but simply "checking it out."

The school's principal reportedly said that sometimes, parents wait in the pickup area for a long time--up to 20 minutes. Possibly, she stated, the man was just "taking care of himself" because "he was bored."

Using the car's license-plate number to identify the subject, a sheriff's deputy went to his house and met with a shirtless 27-year-old male who confirmed that he was the father of a Thornydale Elementary School student. However, the man adamantly denied exposing himself; it must have been a different car, he said.

More by Anna Mirocha

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