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CHICKEN VS. BEEF

WEST ALASKA STREET, MAY 3, 4:41 P.M.

A wife showed more love for hamburgers than her husband when she tried to assault him for bringing home the wrong fast food, said a Pima County Sheriff's Department report.

The husband told a sheriff's deputy that earlier in the day, his wife had declared that there was no food in their house and requested that he pick up something from Burger King for the family to eat. When she learned that her husband had instead brought food from Kentucky Fried Chicken--which he felt the children would prefer--she began arguing with him, driving him to lock himself in the bedroom. She pounded on the door with her fists, making eight small holes and two large holes. Then she got into her car and threatened to run over her husband's motorcycle and truck. The husband moved his truck.

The couple's fight later dissipated somewhat when they went to the grocery store, although the wife was reportedly still "not very happy."


A LITTLE TOO KNOWLEDGEABLE

NORTH OLDFATHER ROAD, MAY 2, 9:33 A.M.

A vigilant adult called law enforcement after an elementary school student used toys to display sexual knowledge, said a Pima County Sheriff's Department report.

The reportee, apparently a staff member at Thornydale Elementary School, told a sheriff's deputy that she had seen one of the new students at the school, a 6-year-old Vietnamese girl, manipulating two stuffed animals so that they appeared to be having sex. The girl also used a marker in what the reportee considered to be the stuffed animals' genital areas.

The girl was chastised for these actions, but she apparently could not understand English, having only been in the country for three weeks. Because of her language and "the possibility of unknown customs and other exposures," the reporting deputy transferred the case to another agency.


GETTING THE GOAT

UA AREA, MAY 4, 6:46 A.M.

A goat running wild on the UA campus enjoyed social interactions and ended up with a new home, said a UA Police Department report.

A UA officer located the loose goat on University Boulevard between Old Main and Park Avenue. It wore a red collar and had five small, black, triangle-shaped markings on its right side. It appeared to love people.

The reporting officer detained the goat and had dispatch call the UA Campbell Avenue farms to take possession of it. While the goat and officer waited for the pickup, several people stopped by to interact with the animal, some of whom determined it was female. The sex was confirmed when a Campbell Farms representative arrived.

The goat was to be put in a pen with two other Campbell Farms bovids.

More by Anna Mirocha

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