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No Noose Is Good News

East Camino Juan Paisano, Oct. 19, 4:42 p.m.

An apparently drug-addled 20-year-old man threatened suicide, according to a Pima County Sheriff's Department report.

The sheriff's department was informed of the situation by the subject himself, who called and told the dispatcher that he was going to hurt himself, saying, "I don't have time to stay on the line!" before hanging up. Sheriff's deputies arrived at the subject's home to find him staring at a computer screen and listening to extremely loud music. His father stated that his son was a drug user and had been making suicidal threats all day, even showing off several nooses.

Since the father did not want his son committed, deputies arrested him for domestic violence and disorderly conduct. The subject allowed himself to be handcuffed, but physical force was required to get his feet inside the patrol vehicle.

The subject not only denied the charges being brought against him, but also insisted that he had not been home when the deputies arrived--he had been at the mall, he said. When he was told he had been found in front of his computer, he said that was a lie. He then informed the deputies that his uncle was the chief of police. "The chief of what police?" said the arresting deputy. "You will see!" shouted the young man. "This will have consequences for you!"

The subject was booked into jail, where he refused to remove his shoelaces and belt.


Car Wars

UA Area, Oct. 25, 12:10 p.m.

A university student using the phone while driving endured traumatic verbal abuse from an elderly UA faculty member, said a UA Police Department report.

The student, a young female SUV owner, called the UA police in tears and stated that she had been backing out of a parking space at the Hillel Foundation, 1245 E. Second St., while a senior man in a white Lexus waited to park in the same lot. She was simultaneously speaking on the phone. After a while, the waiting man reportedly exited his Lexus, approached her car and yelled, "You stupid fucking bitch! Get off your cell phone!" He continued yelling at her to hang up, stating that perhaps she could learn how to drive if she did so. He then pounded on the student's car window until she was able to pull out of the lot. She had been very frightened, she said.

An officer attempting to contact the suspect found his Lexus still in the lot and learned he was teaching a class in the nearest building. Spoken with after class, the suspect openly stated that the girl he yelled at had been taking forever to move her vehicle, and he had simply wanted her to hang up the phone and pay attention. He then admitted that he had indeed lost his temper and called her vulgar names.

Informed that the student had felt very intimidated by his actions, the man said, "Good. She should be." He was given a criminal citation.

More by Anna Mirocha

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