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One Step Forward, Two Steps Back

Ina and Thornydale Roads, April 7, 9:10 p.m.

Authorities cited a drunken teen who claimed to be celebrating the fact that he had just been released from jail, a Pima County Sheriff's Department report stated.

Two deputies arrived at the scene to find Northwest Fire Department personnel checking over a 19-year-old man. One of the deputies asked him what was going on.

"(H)e stated in slurred speech that he was celebrating the fact that he had just been released from jail and that he had been drinking by himself," the report said. The deputy noted a bottle of 100-proof Rumplemintz liqueur near the teen.

A breath test reportedly showed that his blood alcohol content was .100, "indicating a positive presence of alcohol."

Authorities cited the teen for underage drinking and released him to his father at his residence. While en route to his father's residence, the teen reportedly vomited in the rear of the patrol car.


My Knife Does the Talking

River Road and La Cholla Boulevard, April 8, 6:45 p.m.

According to a PCSD report, a woman claimed an acquaintance stabbed a tire on her vehicle without provocation.

The woman said she was driving home after retrieving a slow cooker from a friend's house. She told authorities she saw the acquaintance standing outside a Quik Mart and thought she had given her a head nod indicating she wanted to talk.

The woman reportedly pulled over, and the female acquaintance asked her why she stopped. She said she told her, and the acquaintance replied that wasn't the case, then pulled out a small folding knife that she used to stab the driver's side rear tire.

The reportee claimed to have no idea why the acquaintance would do that. She said she wanted to press charges and would help authorities find the acquaintance's whereabouts.


Cosmo Kramer

Sunrise Drive and Swan Road, April 5, 3:17 p.m.

A man reported to authorities that an acquaintance who entered his apartment "just like Kramer from Seinfeld" stole his anti-anxiety medication.

According to a PCSD report, the man said he had met two people--a man and a woman--who came over to his apartment. When they arrived, the man reportedly "entered his residence without knocking, just like Kramer from Seinfeld always did in the television program." After the visitors left, the resident said he noticed his medication, alprazolam, was missing.

The man thought the Kramer imitator might live in the same apartment complex.

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