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Police Dispatch 

Library Licentiousness

UA Area, April 10, 2:05 p.m.

A witness saw a man masturbating in the UA Main Library, according to a report from the UA Police Department.

A woman met police on the fourth floor of the library at 1510 E. University Blvd. She said she had been sitting by the east wall when she heard a "wet, squishy sound" that was consistent with the noise made when men masturbate.

The woman looked around to try to locate the source of the sound. That's when she noticed a man on the other side of a bookshelf, with his blue jeans pulled down and his penis in his left hand, she told authorities.

The woman said the man masturbated for about 40 seconds, then walked to the north side of the library. She reportedly found a "wet substance" on the floor, bookshelf and on two books around where the man had been standing.

Another woman who had been sitting nearby said she, too, heard the noise and felt "uncomfortable," but didn't see the man.

An officer photographed and swabbed the alleged ejaculate after the witness provided a description of the man. Authorities also collected an apparent pubic hair from the scene.


They Call Him Jennifer

UA Area, April 2, 8 p.m.

An officer found that what he thought was a little girl was actually a cross-dressing little boy, a UAPD report stated.

The officer witnessed a speeding car swerving around pedestrians and initiated a traffic stop. The 20-year-old driver told the officer he was lost. The report said two passengers were in the vehicle: a 9-year-old girl and a teenage boy upon whose lap she was sitting.

The girl identified herself as "Jennifer," and the teen reportedly said she was his little sister. They provided the officer with their mother's phone number to come pick them up after the officer allegedly discovered a half-full bottle of rum at their feet.

Mom said over the phone that she didn't have a 9-year-old daughter named "Jennifer," but did have a son who was that age. The officer described the girl's feminine attire and long, brown hair to her. She said her older son is a cross-dresser and probably clothed his little brother that way.

The officer confirmed that "Jennifer" was actually a boy by removing his wig. "Jennifer" apologized for lying and told the officer he had dressed himself that way.

Both the driver and the older brother were cited for driving with an open container of alcohol in the vehicle. The older brother was also cited for being a minor in possession of alcohol.

The boys' mother, who picked them both up, reportedly told the officer her older son has drug and alcohol problems, but doesn't make his younger sibling dress like a female.

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