Police Dispatch 

A Tumor-Causing, Teeth-Staining, Smelly, Puking, Swing-Burning Habit

North First Avenue and East Orange Grove Road, Sept. 29, 5 a.m.

After speaking with a gas company employee, a Tucson woman decided to file a police report about the cigarette butts and beer cans that her neighbors have been leaving on her property, a PCSD report stated.

The woman told Deputy Sheryl Houck that she believes the tenants in the apartment above her have been leaving beer cans on their own patio and tossing their cigarette butts down onto her patio.

She told Houck she picks up about six butts every morning, and one butt even burned a penny-size hole on her patio swing.

Missing Cacti

West Albert Road and South Jamie Avenue, Oct. 4, 9:04 a.m.

Deputies don't know who stole two saguaro cacti from a woman's home, a Pima County Sheriff's Department report stated.

The owner of the cacti told Deputy Janice S. Parker that she was walking her dog when she noticed the plants had been ripped from the ground and removed.

One plant was about 5 feet tall and the other was about 3 feet tall. Before being removed, the saguaros were in her front yard, about 15 feet from the road.

She told deputies the root structures had been unaffected by the rain and that she believes someone purposely ripped them from the ground and stole them.

She said she plans on calling the Department of Agriculture because the saguaro cactus has a special protection status.

Deputies have no suspects or witnesses at this time.

Vigilante Parking Police

University Area, Oct. 19, 8:30 p.m.

A UA student received a letter attached to his windshield that called him an "asshole," a "dick" and a "cocksucker" after he took up two spots when he parked his car.

The student told Officer Maciborski that he saw the note when he returned to his car, which was parked inside a campus garage, 1641 E. Enke St.

The note read: "Dear Asshole, Next time don't be such a dick by taking up two spots. I failed to see your two-spot parking permit, so when you get a chance you might want to get one, cocksucker. My gray (Mitsubishi) Eclipse is better. Yours Truly."

The student gave Officer Maciborski the license plate number of a gray Eclipse that was parked in an adjacent spot.

The student said he wanted the incident documented in case anyone vandalized his car in the future.

More by Kristopher Califano


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