Pleasure Activist 

Phone Sex Part I: Surprisingly Liberating

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Just because sexting has emerged as a robust platform for sexual tension building flirtation and a handy tool to keep the hot and heavy in our romantic life going, it is not a replacement for good old-fashioned phone sex! They each have their place, but while sexting allows for covertness, convenience, and tantalizing little nuggets of seduction—phone sex allows for a deeper, broader, and more intimate "long form" sexual experience that also includes the delicious sounds of our lover. And just as sexting and phone sex each have their distinct advantages, phone sex is not simply a second-tier stand-in for in-person sex, either.

There are many reasons for having phone sex. The number one reason that comes to many people's minds is as way to bridge the sexual gap in long distance relationships. It was one such relationship, in fact, that was a catalyst for my own phone sexplorations.

While I was not entirely new to the experience of phone sex, I had never relied on it as my primary form of sexual interaction for over a stretch of six months. As such, I had come to discover that it wasn't an inferior make-do sex, but opened up new dimensions of sexual interactions. One distinct perk is that we were able to engage in fantastical, gravity defying, and otherwise inconvenient types of sex that would otherwise be impossible or uncomfortable to act out in "real life."

Our imagination tends to be more lucid and free when not needing to use up mental resources towards the types of suspension of disbelief that may be required for in-person fantasy play. This is why many folk refuse to watch the "movie version" of their favorite book. While a book does go into more narrative detail, it also leaves an infinite expanse for our imaginations to explore. Similarly, phone sex is a platform for rich narrative detail that leaves plenty of room for our unencumbered selves.

Despite what this sounds like, this is not necessarily just a reference to dramatic role-playing scenarios involving lustful werewolves and oversexed alien priestesses. It also refers to some peskier details that may get in the way of in-person sex. Telling your lover that you want to wrap their legs around your waist while you passionately penetrate them against the nearest wall is sometimes more easily accomplished over the phone without the very real back strain that may be limiting in an in-person interaction.

Some of us get off on the idea of certain sex acts carried out with a certain degree of vigor, but are sometimes thwarted by various levels of pain, discomfort, danger, or just not getting that itch scratched just the right way. This is a reoccurring reality that we navigate through in our sex lives. However, over the phone, we are free to experience sex in our most ideal imaginings.

Some other phone sex perks include:

• It is a form of safer sex.

• Some may be more comfortable engaging in phone sex with a new partner before they would in face-to-face sex.

• It is a more accessible form of sex for people with chronic pain, injuries, or various abilities.

• It is a fun way to change up the sexual routine.

• Some people find that they are able to be more vocal, discuss fantasies and desires, or use a certain type of language over the phone that they may feel too inhibited to use in-person.

Ally Booker is a pleasure activist passionate about educating herself and others on cool sexuality related things like communication skills, creating and respecting boundaries, sexual self-determination, destigmatization, gender and sexual expressions, sex toy use and safety, and all the other mechanics of pleasure. You can often find her at her Tucson shop, Jellywink Boutique, 418 E. 7th St.. You can reach her at 777-9434 or AllyBooker@Jellywink.com.

More by Ally Booker


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