Planes: Fire & Rescue

2013 was a banner year for awful kids’ movies. There was Turbo, and that Woody Harrelson turkey movie that came out around Thanksgiving and the tortuous Smurfs sequel. Planes wasn’t much better, and the sequel is even worse. If you haven’t been keeping score, Planes is pretty much the same movie as Pixar’s Cars, except this time the whimsical talking vehicles fly, and Dane Cook does the lead voice. That should give you a good indication of what to expect right there. Poor ol’ Dusty Crophopper the crop-duster can’t race anymore, so he becomes a firefighter instead. Ed Harris voices the veteran firefighter and the great Wes Studi lowers himself as a Native American helicopter named “Windlifter.” I think they lost a bet somewhere and this was their cough-up. Disney needs to stop foolin’ around and start subtitling all of their flicks with “We Did It For Merch Money and the Overseas Overhead.”