Here's The Pitch 

MIKE FEDER IS a scary guy. Less than a week after the general manager of the Tucson Sidewinders promised that the weather was going to be great this summer, the National Weather Service announced that the two-year La Niña was coming to an end and an El Niño was starting back up again, but during the summer they'll cancel each other out and the weather should be nice.

How does he do that?

Anyway, the Sidewinders, the Triple-A affiliate of those playoff-bound Arizona Diamondbacks, will be providing a summer full of entertainment out at Tucson Electric Park. And who really cares how hot it gets as long as the soda and eegees are cold?

There will be four more fireworks extravanganzas this year. The next will be on Memorial Day, followed by huge shows on both July 2 and 3. The final show will be on the season-ending Labor Day Weekend.

The Famous Chicken will be stopping by June 17 in what promises to be his eight millionth consecutive sellout performance. The guy in the suit has to be about 90 by now, but he's forever young to the kids and whichever bald-headed adults the Chicken decides to put his beak over.

Look for the annual new car giveaway in August, and, at press time, Feder was putting together a couple other big promotions. Actually, one big and the other stupendous. He's planning on giving away a trip for two to Hawaii. (Right now it's up to seven days and four nights; he's negotiating for the other nights but those Outrigger people can be hell.)

Then (and keep this on the Q.T. because it's not confirmed yet) the Sidewinders are planning an Olympic Night, including a grand prize of a trip to the Sydney Olympics! I'm no business guy, but I'm betting that won't come on one of those Circle K free admission nights.

Get on out to the ballpark. The absolute worst thing that'll happen is you'll spend a few hours with friends and family in a beautiful setting on a nice summer night eating stuff that tastes great and is bad for you, all of which helps keep America young and vibrant.

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